Light at The End of the Tunnel
by Pennie
Summary: Katie Angle has just seen the beginnning of the things she has to deal with. Now with betrayal, a baby daddy, and family drama who will keep a beacon shining?
1. Chapter 1

Authors Notes: Ok so I probably should have finished Katie's first story before starting this, but well my muse wouldn't shut up. I know a lot of things have gone by the wayside, but I'm really gonna try to finish this one.

Disclaimer: I only own the original characters. TNA and the superstars own themselves. I make no money from this.

Chapter 1

October 14, 2010

I was still coming to terms with what had happened at Bound for Glory. I couldn't believe that Jeff, the man who I considered a second father, could do something like this. He was someone that I truly respected. He betrayed so many people with on simple act that I wasn't sure I was ready to deal with him. He made me feel like Kurt did for so long. I thought he had more morals and ethics than that.

I saw my father go down to the ring. I was a little nervous despite the fact I knew he had a spot tonight, and I knew that Jeff was going to rough him up some tonight. He'd been pretty vague about the details. I had a feeling it was gong to be bad. I honestly hadn't talked to Jeff that much in the last week or so. I wasn't ready to deal with this, and I had my 10 month old baby with me so tonight didn't look like a great opportunity to do much talking.

My relationship with Kurt had grown so much in the last two years or so. He really took Karen leaving him to heart and changed so much. I was honestly proud of the person he's become. He has done so much to prove that he cared and that we should have a relationship. He had helped me through the broken hearted times and shared so much with me. He was there when Kayleigh was born. He was the first person to hold her aside from me.

"Here, Katie, you can have her back," AJ said holding our sleeping daughter. I hadn't expected him to take Kayleigh very long. He hadn't spent much time with her in her sort life. I didn't see that changing anytime soon. I think I could count the number of nights she's spent with him on just a few fingers. He was always to busy for her. Kind of like Kurt was always to busy for me, but Kayleigh had a Papa who loved her to make up for it.

AJ and Jenna divorced shortly after I got pregnant with Kayleigh. We were going to try to have a relationship and do all the things that people expecting a baby do. The only thing that we didn't take into account was the fact that I was 21 and still had a lot of growing up to do, and he was a 32 year old pro-wrestler who's career was his life. As soon as AJ joined up with Ric Flair, our relationship basically crumbled like a sandcastle that you build to big to quickly. I suppose it was destined to fall. We never had a very stable relationship.

"AJ, I thought you wanted her tonight. What if I have plans?" I said. I wished that I could have a life. I mean I know my dad or Kristal (my soon to be step-mom) would take her for an evening in a heart beat, but I didn't want them to think I was taking advantage of it. Kayleigh is my responsibility.

"Don't be a bitch, Katie. She's your baby just as much as she is mine. I need my sleep tonight, and she'll wake up in the middle of the night," AJ said rolling his eyes at me.

"Or maybe you and Frankie want to go out. You said that you would take her tonight, so I made plans. She's your responsibility tonight. You said you would keep her until tomorrow morning," I told him. I really didn't have any firm plans, but I didn't want him to think that this was going to happen every time it wasn't convenient to not do what he said. I didn't want Kayleigh to have the same relationship with him that I had with Kurt for so long. She deserved so much better than that. She was going to get better than that if it killed me.

"Katie, get real. What kind of plans can you have tonight? I just agreed to take her a couple hours ago," AJ said. I could tell his mind was going. "You can't be going out on a date." I love how he assumes what could be the worst possible outcome for him.

"So what if I am? We aren't dating; you royally fucked that up," I said glancing at the monitor as I hear Jeff's music begin. I wanted to see what Jeff was going to do. I hoped he didn't let personal issues get into it. I knew Jeff so well that I wasn't sure exactly what he was going to do. He could be unpredictable sometimes. I wasn't sure what to do with this new Immortal thing either. It threw everything off balance.

I watched silently as Jeff talked. AJ was going on about something, probably my pretend date. I cringed when Jeff brought their personal issues into it. I also cringed at the words that Kurt had to say about Karen. Despite what had had happened and the changes in her she was still someone I considered a mother. I still cared deeply about her. I prayed that this would be over soon. I wasn't sure how much more of this I could handle.

My eyes grew wide as Jeff and Kurt began to get into a physical scuffle and got even wider as Gunner and Murphy hand cuffed Kurt. "You have to take her tonight. You're her father," I said. I saw Jeff was continuing his assault. I was all ready heading out of my locker room toward the gorilla area. I wanted to be there when Kurt came back so he couldn't downplay the severity of his pain. I caught glimpses of the carnage on monitors along the way. It wasn't going to be a pretty evening.

Joe met me there. "You need to calm down," he said. That was when I saw Jeff smash Kurt head first into the side of the announce table. Joe had to literally hold me to keep me from going out there, but I could see the concern on his face. I saw through the whole segment how stiff Jeff had been. "Kaitlyn, you have to wait here. Kurt will be back in a minute and need someone's help," Joe whispered in my ear.

"It's him isn't it?" AJ practically screamed. I couldn't believe he had followed me. I was just about sick of this all ready. He was Kayleigh's father and that was it. He wasn't anything romantic to me anymore.

"Where is Kayleigh?" I asked. I needed something else to focus on for a moment or two. AJ was going to regret this. I wasn't going to let him run my life like he had for so long. With a baby involved now I was strong enough to get him out of my system. I had to be. I wasn't going to let her grow up thinking that going back to something toxic was how all relationships were supposed to work. My mother taught me better I just wish I had listened.

"Matt is watching her for a few minutes. Who the hell are you going out with tonight?" AJ demanded. I glared at him. He ignored it like usual.

"Obviously with the shape my dad's in no one," I told him. "I have to take care of Kurt tonight, and I don't want to take Kayleigh with me if he has to go to the hospital or something. She doesn't need to see her papa like this."

Joe gave AJ an intimidating look but AJ completely ignored it and continued to inquire about my alleged date. I was waiting silently for my dad to come back so I could go with him to the trainers office and see what was going on for real. Kurt always downplayed his injuries for Kristal and I.

"AJ, I am not going to go out with anyone. I was never going out to anyone. Mickie asked me to go out with her and some of the knockouts. I was going to go with her," I finally said. "I will date eventually but right now Kayleigh and my dad are the most important things in my life."

"Whatever, Katie. That's complete BS. You just don't want her tonight," AJ said. I just left him where he was standing when I saw my father. He looked pretty out of it and if what I saw was anything his neck was probably killing him. He looked in a lot of pain even though I knew he was going to try to downplay it. He was ice man when it came to pain.

I smiled at him and kept following him into the trainers office. I was kind of nervous since I didn't know if this thing with Jeff at least for the night was over. I had a feeling that forever it was far from over. I didn't want to be caught in the middle of their war because I honestly don't think I could chose one over the other. They were both a huge part of my support system and my life.

"Where's Kay-Kay?" Kurt asked noticing me without the baby.

"She's with her daddy," I said. He had been really good at, at least pretending to be supportive of the fact that despite the jerk AJ had become I wanted Kayleigh to have a relationship with him. I think he knows how important it is for a child to have a relationship with their father.

"Well, you know, he doesn't have to keep her tonight I'll be fine, Kate," he said.

"You know as well as I do that your neck needs an MRI at the very least," I told him. I wasn't going to let him think that this was no big deal.

"I can wait till morning. Katie, it's really not as bad as you think. My shoulder hurts more than anything," he insisted.

I just rolled my eyes at him. I knew he was going to say something like that. He always tries to make things seem better than they actually are. He also tries to avoid doctors and the hospital if at all possible.

"No Dad you getting an MRI tonight just to make sure nothing is wrong. Jeff was too stiff out there especially when he bashed you against the announce table," I said. I wasn't going to let him win this argument. I would call in Kristal if I had to.

Kurt rolled his eyes at me and I instantly knew where I got that expression from. It was like looking into a mirror as he was doing it. "Don't roll your eyes at me. I'm the queen of eye rolls and you don't do it nearly as well," I joked. I knew he was going to give in.

Several hours later we ended up back at the hotel. Kurt's neck hadn't been aggravated to much. He was going to be fine, but he had to check with his doctor at home before he was in the IMPACT zone. I thought it was a good compromise.  
_

There you go please review.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I only got a few hours of sleep before there as a knock on my door and my phone rang. I knew that it had to be AJ. He was bringing Kayleigh back to me before doing whatever it was that he had to do today. He never kept her much after she woke up in the morning assuming I could get him to keep her all night when he said he would. This was like maybe the third or fourth night he had taken him in her short life.

"Here," AJ said handing me Kayleigh and dropping her stuff by the door. I wasn't really sure what to say to him so I turned my attention to the baby.

"Hey, baby girl, did you have fun with Daddy?" I asked giving her snuggles. I knew that she wouldn't answer me, but I wanted her to know that I liked she was with her daddy.

"She just ate," AJ said. "Look, I'm sorry about last night. I didn't mean to freak out like I did." There he went trying to turn on the charm. I knew that he was trying to play me for something. I wasn't sure what, but something.

"Whatever AJ. Thanks for taking her last night I ended up taking my dad to the ER," I said trying to be civil. I needed practice at this if I was going to make this work and let AJ be part of our daughters life. It wasn't for him by any means, it was all for her.

"Not a problem. I'll call tomorrow and let you know the next time I can see her," he said.

"That's fine," I said. I felt like saying that I shouldn't hold my breath. He's seen her maybe a couple times a month at most so far in her life.

AJ chose that moment to leave thankfully. I decided that Kayleigh and I were going to go out for a bit so we didn't wake up Kurt. He'd probably gotten less sleep than I had. Even though his neck wasn't damaged to much he had to wear a sling. He didn't tell me much of the reasoning why, but that's just how he is._

It was another night on Impact. I actually hadn't intended on being here, but AJ said that he wanted to see Kayleigh so here I was again. I was wandering around kind of aimlessly. I would normally hang out with Jeff Jarrett, my dad, or maybe Jeff Hardy or Joe. I wasn't talking to two of them. My dad wasn't coming in till later (he'd spent the weekend in Henderson with Kyra and Kody), and Joe was busy getting ready for his part tonight. He was going to have a confrontation that was going to end badly with Jeff.

"Hey you must be the mom of this little lady," a big man I knew to be Matt Morgan said. He was kind of hard to miss especially since he was holding my little girl.

"Yeah, that's my little one," I said. I glanced at the nearest monitor noting that AJ was out in the ring. "Thanks for helping AJ with her. He's kind of clueless with kids sometimes." I hated that I was making excuses for him. She's his third child he should know what to do with a baby.

"She's a sweetheart," Matt said. "She isn't any trouble at all. She reminds me of my kids."

I quickly glanced at his left hand and noted that it didn't have a wedding band. I was curious but wasn't going to ask. "It must be hard to be away from them so much," I observed. "I know it's hard for me when AJ takes her for the night."

"It is, but you get used to it and learn how to make the time that you are together count. You're a wrestlers kid you know how it goes," he said. Obviously he doesn't know the history between me and Kurt. I thought everyone did. We hadn't exactly been shy about where we would fight.

"Well Kurt and I didn't get close until I was older. It wasn't till after his divorce that we figured out how to have a good relationship," I said. I knew the man in front of me was a lone wolf. He was always looking out for himself, an didn't really get close to anyone. I wasn't sure why I was talking to him like this, but it just seemed right.

"Sometimes it's hard to see what's right in front of you," Matt observed.

Mat and I continued to talk for a few minutes until AJ came backstage again. It got an evil glare from AJ. I was afraid of what might happen. We weren't dating, but he still thought we were a lot of times. It was kind of scary sometimes especially when my dad wasn't here to be a buffer. I just kept talking to Matt hoping that AJ wouldn't say anything about it.

"Katie, what are you doing talking to him?" AJ asked pointedly when I didn't stop talking to Matt. I took a few deep breaths before answering him.

"Talking. Getting to know the person you rely on so much to watch Kayleigh when you're working," I said calmly. I didn't want to argue with him anymore about who I may or may not be dating. The last few months anyone I was talking to I'm dating, even guys that were married.

"Katie, you were totally flirting with him," AJ accused.

"What does it matter AJ. We aren't together anymore. How come you don't get that?" I asked rolling my eyes. Matt looked on silently.

"Don't roll your eyes at me. You should be taking care of Kayleigh not hanging out with random guys," AJ said grabbing my arm roughly. He was starting to scare me.

"Look, AJ, let the girl go. It's me one of your Fortune boys. Why would I want anything more to do with your ex then the fact she's the mother of your child?" Matt asked pushing AJ away from me slightly. I had a feeling that this was his way of getting AJ off my back. He didn't mean it the way it sounded. Even still I was taken back by his words a little, but was thankful that he was making AJ back off. I'd never known AJ to be quite like this.

"Man, she's my girl. No one else's," AJ said.

"I am not your girl. Damn it, AJ, you fucked everything between us up and now that I'm trying to move on your making it so damn hard," I said. "I don't want to fight with you, but I'm not going to let you control me."

"You are always mine, Katie. You'll be back soon enough. You've caved every other time you've told me you were going to stay away," AJ said confidently.

"All those times I didn't have a little girl who depended on me to keep her heart safe and teach her what relationships are supposed to be like. Us being together is toxic for us and everyone around us. I am not going to put a defenseless baby in the middle of something toxic," I told him. I had never stood up to him like this. Usually a few pretty words and I melted into his arms again and everything was fine.

"I'm not your dad, Katie. I'm AJ, and I'm the man you will always want. Even if you with someone else, you'll really want to be with me," AJ said.

"No, your not Kurt, but you are turning into the man that he used to be. I know what that does to a little girl. I'm living proof, and I will be damned if my relationship tells my daughter that it's okay to let people treat you like that," I said. "I want you to have a relationship with your daughter and will not do anything to prevent that as long as she's safe emotionally and physically with you, but there is no me and you."

A small crowd had formed around us backstage. I hated airing personal business like this, but I had to. It was the only way the idea I was serious about what I was saying. I needed him out of my system just as I was working on doing with me. Obviously for once I was doing the better job. "There will always be a me and you…" AJ began.

I heard Joe's voice followed by Jeff's music and instantly tuned whatever AJ was going to say out. I was entirely focused on what was going on between the mad I considered a second father and one of my absolute best friends in the world. I had the same feeling I had the previous week when my dad and Kurt had their confrontation.

I gasped when I knew that it was going to end up in a night in the ER. I dreaded it. I knew I also has to talk with Jeff and find out what the hell was going on in his head. He'd barely spoke to me all evening, and I had tried to speak with him. It seemed like some of his attitude was slipping into real life. I wasn't sure I liked it.

This time I didn't even have anyone to calm me down like Joe had done the previous week. All I had was AJ who was still yelling and the crowd many of which had turned their attention to the same thing I had.

Matt was giving me a sympathetic look. I had a feeling he would have said something to at least try to calm me if someone would shut his mouth. AJ couldn't tell that no one was listening to him anymore.

A few minutes later Joe came back on a stretcher and AJ had finally decided to give up on yelling at me. I wasn't sure which I was more relieving for me. I walked with Joe to the ambulance. I knew that whether I had to take Kayleigh or not I was going to the emergency room.

"AJ, can you keep Kayleigh tonight or not?" I asked. I was about done with this man. I wished I could keep Kayleigh from him but I couldn't.

"I'm not going to let you go running after your lover boy. She's just as much your responsibility as mine," AJ said.

"Fine AJ then go get her stuff for me. We need to go check on Joe. Sometime you would have to considering he was your friend," I said. I wasn't going to play games with him right now.

"No, I'm not done visiting her," AJ said. I sighed.

"Look AJ either keep her tonight or get her stuff I need to go," I said. I was not dealing with more of his crap right now. His crap sucked.

10 minutes later I was leaving the arena for the hospital. Matt convinced AJ to just let me take Kayleigh, and now I was going to check on my best friend. I wasn't sure how many more nights in the hospital I was going to be able to take.


	3. Chapter 3

Light

Chapter 3

**Two Weeks Later**

I knew that now I was going to have to confront Jeff about my issues with him right now. He was really taking this stupid Immortal thing to far. I'd noticed changes both on and off screen that concerned me. I wanted real info that was straight from him. That way if he screwed up it would be on him. I hate that I still think that way, but I can't help it.

I went to see Karen and the kids last week and noticed a few things. I said something to Karen about it, but she said it was just stress. I didn't want to take to much time to find out of she was right. It needed to get this sorted out as soon as possible. My life can't take any more chaos. If he's going to be like this for a while I need to know to stay the hell out of his way until this Immortal thing gets out of his system. They will screw him over eventually.

I had thought about trying to bring down Immortal, but I wasn't sure it was worth the effort. I would have to pretend that I cared about AJ again and that I was okay with what they were doing. I wasn't cool with the things that were being done. I wasn't cool with risking possibly getting caught up in the web that was AJ again. It was honestly ridiculous. They were acting like little kids that were left home alone for the first time.

I had talked a little more to Matt Morgan. He was last week's victim. I was beginning to wonder if Jeff's reasons for attacking people weren't a little more personal than he wanted to admit. His targets lately were people that were either close to me or I had taken an interest in. It sounded a bit ridiculous, but it was something I wouldn't put past him in the mood he's been in.

Matt was actually a pretty good guy if you could get through his size and his kind of rough exterior. He told me he was going to be on Impact this week, but I wasn't going to be there. I wasn't ready to face AJ or talk to Jeff just yet, and AJ seemed to have no interest in me being there. We had barely talked in the last two weeks and he hadn't seen Kayleigh at all.

I hated that he was so hot and cold. He was pissed at me that I was speaking to someone else, but then when I don't apologize and come crawling back he takes it out on our daughter. She was the innocent one in this thing; she didn't ask for this. I know even though she can't tell me she misses him. I know she barely knows him, but she does miss him.

"Kats, what's on your mind?" Kurt asked.

"Mostly AJ. How can he take out his anger at me about not falling to his beck and call out on our daughter? She isn't the one who made him mad; I was. It was a stupid argument anyway," I told him. I had told him AJ and I had words, but I hadn't really gotten into the details much. The details would just show how much of a jerk he is.

"What did you guys fight about?" Kurt asked. I knew he would.

"I was talking to Matt Morgan, just getting to know him since he took care of Kayleigh a lot when AJ was in the ring and stuff. I suppose someone else will now. AJ saw us talking and flipped out like I was cheating on him or something. I told him it wasn't any of his business and to back off. He grabbed my arm, I told him I was never going to let him back in my heart. Then he kept yelling at me, but I'm not sure what about. I was watching Jeff decimate Joe by that point," I told him. I knew the eye roll was coming, and of course it did. He was the one I learned the eye roll from.

"He's an arrogant jackass anyway. You're better off without him," Kurt said. I knew that he was right. Kayleigh and I were both better off without him. Except I knew deep down in my heart that I would be just like my mom and never prevent Kayleigh from knowing her father even if he didn't always, or even usually, deserve it.

"You know I'm very proud of how much you've grown lately," Kurt said. I wondered what he was getting at. He's almost acted like he was afraid that I was gong to move away since Jeff and Karen got married.

"Thanks. I'm not the only one who's grown and figured out where their priorities lie," I said. He was the dad that I always wished I would have had from day one. Our relationship was still a work in progress, but we were finally on the same page of what we wanted. He was also sure to be part of Kyra's and Kody's lives all the time. He hadn't missed a birthday or any event since the divorce. It really shook him down to the core of his being.

"I know that you want to finish school, and if you don't want to enroll Kayleigh at a daycare Kristal or I would be happy to watch her while your at school," Kurt said.

"I only wanted to finish school because I promised Mom I would. School really isn't my thing. I love being with Kayleigh," I told him. I was being honest the idea of school repulsed me.

"Katie, I know you don't like school, but an education is important. If you don't want to finish journalism, maybe there's something else out there for you," Kurt said. I knew he wasn't trying to push me, but I wasn't sure I was ready to listen. "I want you to make sure that if something happens to me you'll have everything you need."

"Dad, it's under control. I don't want to go back to school till I know what I want to do. It would be kind of pointless to do until then," I said. I think I have this under control. I wish that I could always hang out with Kayleigh, but my dad had a point. I did need to make sure that Kayleigh and I would have everything we needed if something were to happen to him.

"All right. I just wanted to make sure. You know your so organized you could be some sort of administrative assistant or something. Just find what you like and do it," Kurt told me. I was surprised that he was telling me things like that. Our relationship still surprised me sometimes.

"Thanks. I like hanging out with Kayleigh though. I know I definitely want something that I'll have regular hours and not have to travel a lot," I told him. I had decided that. And I didn't want to move to far because I wanted to make sure that AJ could find us if he decided he wanted to man up and actually be a substantial part of his baby girl's life.

"You know speaking of hanging out with the princess, you can go out sometimes. Kristal and I have no problem being babysitters," Kurt said. I knew this was coming. Every couple months he mentioned that. I also knew part of his mentioning that had to do with me talking to Matt.

It wasn't that wouldn't date Matt if he asked. He was good looking,\ and seemed interesting; he was also single as far as I knew. Everything is worth it once. The worst that could happen is I would get a free meal and waste a few hours of my life. I'd done a lot worse than that.

"I know Dad. I just don't want to date yet," I said.

"I didn't mean just to date. I meant just go hang out with people your own age, or maybe some of the knock outs. There have to be a couple you get along with," he said. I know that he wants me to still be able to be 22, but I do have a little girl.

"We'll see how that goes," I said cryptically. I didn't like the knockouts as a general rule. I didn't really like many people backstage. Especially right now.

"Just think about it," Kurt said. We continued to spend our day together. We seemed just like a normal father/daughter duo.


	4. Chapter 4

Light

Chapter 4

**A Few Months Later**

I took a deep breath and entered the Impact Zone. I had been trying to get in touch with Jeff for a few weeks, and he wasn't taking my calls. He was pretty much avoiding me. I'm sure he was going to tell me it wasn't intentional, but somehow I knew it was. It was instinct I suppose. He was beginning to be like that. He had changed so much recently that I wasn't even sure that I recognized him anymore.

Karen was changing too. She seemed like she was getting better about dealing with everything, but lately she's been very bitter again. I was scared that I was loosing her, and it kind of hurt. I felt like I was losing my mom all over again only more slowly and painfully. It hurt so much that she was choosing to distance herself, my mom didn't have that choice. I was also scared that I was loosing Kyra and Kody. They are the most awesome little siblings that anyone could ask for.

I hadn't intended on being in the Impact Zone this week, but I decided to take the oppertunity to try to talk to Jeff. AJ hadn't talked to me about seeing her this week. He had still been hit and miss at best about seeing her. He'd seen her maybe a day or two in the last like 8-10 weeks. I still felt like he was taking out his frustrations that I was moving on out on her. I wished that he would make up his mind one way or another, but I didn't count on that very happening any time soon.

Giovanna was at home watching her; I didn't want her here tonight. Honestly Kurt and Giovanna had been godsends helping me out. I was thinking about what to do with the rest of my life, but they were completely awesome about helping me keep things together. I was only 22 and they helped me balance everything without complaining once.

The first person that I saw when I entered the arena was Matt. I told him and a few others I was going to be here since I knew Kurt wouldn't be in the back tonight. I was a little uneasy without him. I had to laugh a little at the thought. It was amazing how much I had come to build my life around having his support and at times protection, even though I didn't care to admit it. It took some time to build, and there are times we still have to work on it, but it's still awesome. I wouldn't trade any of it.

"Are you sure you want to talk to him alone?" Matt asked. Matt and I had begun seeing each other, though neither of us knew exactly how serious it was going to be. We both had kids to look out for and wanted to make sure we were compatible before deciding how serious things were going to be. He had mentioned that he wanted to meet his kids soon, but no real plans had been set into motion. Obviously he and Kayleigh have an awesome relationship. She sees him more than AJ.

"I have to. This is between Jeff and I," I told him honestly. He had been very understanding about me making sure that I remained somewhat independent even if we were starting a relationship. I guess he knew how important it was to me since I had been in so many toxic relationships.

"All right well I'll see you in a little while then," Matt said giving me a quick kiss. He didn't seem to pleased about this, but I was so happy that he was letting me do this without any protest.

"Yeah," I said. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine."

I went in search of Jeff's locker room, though I had a feeling that he was more likely to be with the rest of Immortal. I hoped that he wasn't though so I wouldn't have to deal with all of them, especially AJ.

AJ had just about exploded when he found out that Matt and I were dating. I don't think that I had ever seen him that angry. Thankfully Kurt had been there to keep anything from getting physical, but AJ really scared me.

I knocked on the door to Jeff's locker room and Gunner answered the door. He only glared at me when he saw me. "Is Jeff around?" I asked hoping that I sounded a little more confident than I was actually feeling. I needed all the confidence that I could get.

"Just a minute," he said closing the door. A moment or two later it opened and Gunner stepped aside.

"What do you want. I have my MMA challenge to get ready for," Jeff said. I could hear the impatience and irritation in his voice. It really annoyed me considering it had been no secret that I wanted to talk to him. He could have done this on his own time had he chosen too. He wanted me to go away, which of course made me want to stay and irritate him.

"Jeff, what's going on? Why did you sell out? This isn't the person that I knew and respected," I asked. I had to get the questions out before I lost the nerve and he wasn't standing in front of me. I was going to get everything I could out of him.

"I'm being Jeff and looking out for Jeff's interests, which also happen to be my family's interests. I have 6 mouths at home to feed. That and damn it I want my company back. I grew this from the ground up," Jeff ranted. "I'm sick of the ungratefuls getting everything that they want and they need. I am Jeff Jarrett and I deserve respect."

"You know what you just failed at getting your company back. You have no real control the only people that have control are Hogan, Bischoff, and maybe to some extent Flair," I said. "They're giving you the illusion of power so that they don't have to deal with you leading the rebellion." I wondered if I was going to get anywhere with him, but I had to at least try. Look how many times I tried with Kurt.

"Look, Katie, if you have something constructive to say then go for it, if not then there's the door. I have things to get ready for tonight," Jeff said.

"Wow, thanks for just proving that you are just like every other person I've ever cared about. Everyone leaves me, but with you I can't guarantee I'll let you back in since you promised never to do this," I said. I didn't know how true that was, but I'm not sure if I had the will power to actually walk away, but it was worth a shot. I had to do something. I turned on my heel and felt him watching me walk out the door without any effort to stop me. Not that I had much of a notion that he would. He is as stubborn as me.

I reunited with Matt and some of our friends (if I was honest most of them were my friends; Matt's kind of a loner), and hung out for a little while. I needed some time to distress a little bit before going home and dealing with everything else in my life.

While I sitting with Matt I noticed AJ going by several times. I wondered what he was up to and considered talking to him. I knew that if I did Matt was coming with me. AJ scared me to much last time I talked to him to talk to him alone for a while. I didn't want to get hurt.

"Where is Kayleigh," AJ demanded finally coming over to me and Matt.

"She's at home with Giovanna. It's not really any of your business anyway. I left you a message asking if you wanted to see her and you haven't returned my call," I told him.

"Do you ever take care of her? Your hanging out with him while someone else takes care of our daughter," AJ accused. I can't believe that he was really going there.

"Do you ever take care of her?" I asked. "I can count the number of days that you have seen her in the last few months on one hand. You are trying to use her to get back at me, but the only one you're really hurting is yourself."

AJ and I shared some more words, but with Matt right there for the most part he kept his temper in check and sort of minded his manners. I was still really pissed at him though since he was making such a freaking big deal about this. Our little girl was going to turn a year in a little over a week and he probably didn't even know about the party though I mailed him an invite and left him a couple messages telling him the date, time and place.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I know IMPACT is taped, but I'm using creative license and pretending it's live.

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Chapter 5

**Jan 11, 2011**

I was running around frantically. I had only a few more hours to get ready for Kayleigh's birthday. Kurt was just watching and laughing at me. He was keeping Kayleigh busy for which I was thankful.

Karen and Jeff had decided that they weren't coming to her party. I kind of annoyed me that they were not mature enough to put their personal issues with my father aside for my sake and Kayleigh's sake. They said that she was their granddaughter, but now they were missing her first birthday because Kurt and Giovanna were going to be here. I was kind of grateful though since that meant that I wouldn't have do make sure to run interference for them.

I would already be running enough interference since yesterday AJ decided to tell me that he was coming to her party. The problem with that was that Matt had also been invited and was coming. I had no doubt that Matt would be civil; it was AJ that I worried about. He was going to be absolutely livid. He was going to be even more livid that not only was Kayleigh calling AJ dada she was also calling Matt dada. Matt and I did nothing to encourage it, Matt is just around a lot more than AJ is.

"Dad, how am I going to do it?" I asked when I slowed down for a bite to eat.

"Do what?" Kurt asked even though I knew what the answer was going to be. I think he just wanted me to admit that I had a problem. A problem that he might be able to help me with.

"Keep the peace between Matt and AJ. Well, more make sure that AJ doesn't ruin our daughter's birthday party," I said. I wasn't sure how this was going to be avoided, but I hope that I can manage to do it.

"Kats, you can't control AJ's reactions. He is the one who controls his actions. One day he's going to regret the choices he's been making lately," Kurt said. I knew that part of him was speaking from experience. I know that he regretted the things that happened between us.

"I know, but Kayleigh doesn't deserve to have to deal with the way things are between AJ and I, and I know that. There just doesn't seem like there is anything that I can really do about it," I said. I felt so helpless. I wondered if this was how my mom felt about her relationship with Kurt when I was a little kid.

"Look, Katie, AJ will be AJ. What you need to focus on is how Matt handles it. If you want Matt to continue to be part of your life then you're going to have to be okay with how he handles AJ and the way AJ is. If he continues to be a part of yours and Kayleigh's life he's going to have to deal with AJ on occasions like today," Kurt pointed out. He was kind of right. Things were going to happen tonight, but really all I controlled was what I did with the knowledge of Matt's reaction. So far Matt had done really well with not letting AJ get to him to much, but the roof might blow off this afternoon.

Before I knew what was going on the doorbell was ringing and company was arriving. It was mostly family and close friends. The crowd was pretty small. AJ was of course the last to arrive and when he did Kayleigh was clinging to Matt like a stick tight. I hoped and prayed that I would all work out for the best, but prepared myself for the worst. I being a realist knew that most like the worst was going to be coming. Sarah would have called me a pessimist, but in this situation I wasn't.

"What the hell?" AJ whispered angrily in my ear.

"She likes him. She's comfortable around him, and she's overwhelmed. If you go over there she'll probably want you," I told him quietly. I hoped that she really would since she hadn't seen AJ in two or three weeks.

I didn't give Matt any indication what I had done just watched as AJ went over there to see Kayleigh. Matt seemed comfortable enough handing her over. He even seemed to encourage Kayleigh to go to AJ though I couldn't hear what exactly was being said.

For the most part Matt was avoiding AJ as much as possible and doing everything that he could to be civil when he couldn't. I appreciated that he was doing as much as possible to make this about Kayleigh and not the three adults involved in the mess. AJ had for the most part been doing the same. He'd had a few snide whispered remarks to me, but wasn't causing problems. Until Kayleigh got tired.

When most of the guests had left AJ, Matt and I were in the living room. Kayleigh asked for her dada so I handed her to AJ hoping she'd curl up with him and fall asleep. Needless to say those prayers weren't answered. She began screaming for dada and reaching for Matt. I took a deep breath and prepared myself for what was coming.

Thankfully Kurt chose that moment to enter the room. "Do you want me to take Kay-Kay upstairs and try to put her down?" Kurt asked.

"Yes please," I said taking her from AJ as he protested. I didn't want her to hear what was going on and I wanted to see how Matt was going to handle a fight between AJ and I when no one else was around. Since AJ and I were going to have a fight anyway I figured I might as well observe the situation.

"Why the hell was she calling Matt 'dada'?" AJ asked not even pretending to hide his irritation.

"Because she does. It kinda just happened," I said. I prayed he would take the explanation for what it was the truth. I just hoped to be able to make him see that.

"Sure you didn't encourage it. Katie that's just like you. You think that if you take everything and run that you'll be able to get away from me and that isn't going to happen. I'm always going to be part of your life and Kayleigh's life. You aren't going to be able to take her away from me," AJ said.

"I don't want to take her away from you. I have always made sure to get where you or are or let you see her whenever you want. I have traveled a ton just so that you could see her whenever you wanted," I said. "Matt is around and she started calling him 'dada' on her own."

"Yeah well Matt's always around because Connecticut is a hell of a lot closer than Georgia," AJ countered.

"Look, AJ, you're letting our personal issues get in the way of a relationship with your daughter. You haven't seen her in weeks and you just told me yesterday that you were coming to her party. I had been calling you about it for weeks," I said. "I have been more than flexible with this."

"Well you know what maybe I'll just take this to court since she seems to be around every one of your flings all the time. She doesn't deserve to have a hundred different people in and out of her life," AJ said. I couldn't believe he was doing this.

In all the commotion Matt hadn't said a word. He was simply standing behind me rubbing my shoulders trying to keep me from gong crazy. He hadn't even really flinched at any of AJ's words. It seemed like they had irritated me more than him.

"Fine whatever AJ. Like any court would give you custody when you've kept her over night a hand full of times and you've seen her maybe once a month since she's been born. You weren't around enough to see any of her milestones, and everyone will say that is of your own choosing," I said. "You have to take responsibility for your own choices."

"I work hard to support my children," AJ said. "Now your trying to hold the things that I miss against me. Really, Katie, you just want me gone."

"Kurt still manages to get to Henderson for pretty much all Kyra and Kody's major events. He still financially supports them. He does more for Kayleigh on a day to day basis than you have ever done," I said.

"Fine, have it your way I guess I'll see you in court," AJ said.

**January 13, 2011**

I was at Impact yet again. I wanted to be with Matt and AJ had surprisingly wanted to see Kayleigh. I wasn't sure if our fight had really made that much of an impact on him, but I was not going to keep him from seeing his baby. I promised myself that I would never be that kind of mom, and so far so good.

Kurt had warned me that Karen would be there tonight and I was kind of worried. I knew that it wasn't going to be a good thing since they had opted out of Kayleigh's birthday. I kind of wished that I was friends with someone from Immortal, but my only friend would have been one of the Jeffs, but neither was really speaking to me right now. I hadn't really had much of a desire to contact Jeff Hardy, but the little I had he had ignored my calls, texts, and emails.

I wasn't paying much attention (I had honestly tried to avoid hearing and seeing my dad and Karen fight) when I heard Karen say she was going to expose my dad for what he really was. I knew then that the moment she stepped backstage I was going to have to confront her. She didn't' get to hurt my dad like this when he was only trying to do the best he could given a crappy situation.

"Karen, I'm just letting you know that if you really try to tell the world your side of the story so to speak then make sure it's the truth, or I'll have to tell the kids side of the story," I said. I knew some of what was going on in Henderson even though Kurt was careful to keep me out of it. (He was also careful to keep Kody and Kyra out of it as much as he could.)

"Look how do you know anything about what's going on. You come to visit less than Kurt does," Karen said. I could feel the anger and bitterness in her voice, but I wasn't sure why. I had done my best to see them as often as I could, but having an infant made traveling kind of difficult.

"Kyra has a school email account. We still talk all the time. She tells me things," I told her. "And I hear things. I'm not stupid. I know more than you think I do."

"Look it doesn't matter what you say. How come your on his side. He spent 20 years treating you like crap," Karen said.

"He has spent the last two years being everything I needed him to be. He tried to be everything you needed him to be, and he's always been a good father to Kody and Kyra even though he was busy a lot," I said. "I am not going to let you drag him through the mud because of your bitterness."

_A/N: I all ready have the next chapter partly done, so keep your eyes out for that in the next few days. As always please review._


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I own no one your familiar with or even most of the people your not familiar with. The only people I created are Katie and Kayleigh

A/N: I would like to thank the TNA creative team. They have given me so much to work with. Enjoy.

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Chapter 6

**Jan. 20 2011**

I was backstage at Impact waiting for Karen and Jeff to arrive. I had to talk to them. I had been leaving messages for them all week, but to no avail. It was like I was no longer part of their family anymore, and I wanted to know what the hell that I did wrong. I also wanted to know why the hell this was coming up now. Dad was rebuilding his life, and making himself better.

If I were honest with myself the tension between Dad and Karen began when she started working at TNA. Before that Karen and Dad had a great relationship even if Dad was very career driven at times. He loved her more than almost anything. I also had to admit my focus on the negative with Dad's parenting of Kyra and Kody was also seen through my tainted eyes. I didn't want to see him being a good parent to them when he wasn't to me. It would just make it that much harder to deal with.

I had a feeling that part of the dirty laundry that Karen was going to air was me, and mine and Dad's previously strained relationship. And his past sordid past with relationships. That and the fact he had been so cruel to me and never told her about it until well after they were married. I hated that I was going to be drug into this mess. It wasn't my mess, and honestly I didn't particularly want to be involved in this. If Karen and Jeff did involve me though I wasn't going to sit back and take it. I was going to stand up for myself. I wasn't going to be a pawn in their game. They might get away with doing that to Kyra and Kody, but not me. They didn't have control over what was going on, and to some extent I did.

I watched as my dad was escorted from the building for a crappy reason. I knew that I was part of Immortal's plan. I knew that when Karen made her announcement that she wouldn't want Kurt in the building to defend himself or say anything against her. If he didn't get back in the building I was definitely going to make sure that someone pointed out all her flaws the same way that she was doing to my father.

I was wandering the building impatiently. I wanted to see Karen and Jeff before they went to the ring. I knew that I wasn't going to change their mind. I just hoped that they knew how serious I was about not letting her do this. Kurt didn't deserve this. No one deserved to be treated the way that he was being treated by these two. I knew that they were going to get away with it too. No one was going to stop them.

It wasn't long after Dad was escorted out that Karen and Jeff arrived. I was really frustrated, but went to talk to them anyway. I knew they wouldn't listen, but at least they couldn't tell me that I didn't warn them. They are going to know exactly what they are getting themselves into. They are opening a whole bag of shit that they may not be able to handle.

"Look, Karen, you need to reconsider this. It's getting ridiculous that you, Dad and Jeff can't be adults about this. Dad is trying to be civil with you for everyone's sake, now you need to give a little too. You're making yourself look like a bitter wicked witch," I said. I had learned a lot about give and take with my relationship with AJ.

"No, Kurt has done me wrong and he keeps bringing Jeff and I into this. Now he can reap what he's sown," Karen said. I had expected something like that.

"Jeff keeps bringing you into this. Dad hasn't said anything publicly about you without being provoked by Jeff," I said. "He's been a great dad to Kody and Kyra especially considering you moved them half way across the country from him. He has grown so much, but you're so stuck on perceived slights that you can't see that. He tried to treat you like a queen, but you never let him."

"Katie, don't talk to her like that. She helped raise you and deserves more respect that that," Jeff said. I wanted to hit him. I wished that I could hit him.

"I'm not going to back down. You guys once said I was your daughter and Kayleigh was your granddaughter, but you skipped her party. You haven't even talked to me lately about anything. I have called you and done everything I could to get in contact with you and I get no response. I want to see my brother and sister, but no one will freaking tell me what's going on. It's like you're trying to hid something," I said. "You guys need to get it together and tell me what part of your life that Kayleigh and I are because I'm done with the run around and not knowing."

"You are a part of our lives, you'll just have to figure out how to do things separately from your father with us," Jeff said. "Besides now he's dad when most of your life he didn't even give a damn about you."

"He's been a whole hell of a lot more supportive the last couple years than you have. He's realized that he's done some things that were horrible, but we've worked past them. You are the one that's being a total jerk right now," I said. "I guess that I won't be seeing you guys for a while, but you can bet that I'll be with Kurt the next time he goes to visit Kody and Kyra.

"Oh and Karen don't forget what I told you last week. I was serious," I reminded.

Joe and Matt had been by my side pretty much all night. I have a feeling that my dad told them to do it if something like this happened. I was so tense. Matt and Joe were at a loss as what to do to calm me down some. I was glad that Kayleigh wasn't here. She didn't need to see me like this. She didn't need to see all hell break loose the way that I knew it was going to do. I had a bad feeling that someone was going to get hurt tonight, and I knew that wasn't going to be Jeff. He had to many goons.

Joe and Matt had also been telling me calming things, but it wasn't working to well. I appreciated their efforts, but I was so upset. Jeff and Karen were pretty much making me choose between Dad and them. It wasn't going to end well for them because if they tried to discredit Dad because I knew some things that they had been keeping to themselves. I wasn't afraid anymore to be honest, and stick up for the things and people that I care about.

I made it through the first segment somehow. Probably a lot of hand holding from Matt and Joe threatening to kick my ass if he had to go down there and rescue me. I didn't want to make Joe angry. He was scary when he was angry sometimes. That and I didn't doubt that Joe would follow through on his threat. It was the second segment that was the hardest for me to make it through.

Matt was literally holding me to keep me backstage, and I didn't make it easy for him. He took it like a man, but I was hitting and kicking him a lot. I know it must not have been pleasant for him. I was just so angry, and he had to watch knowing there was nothing he could do to make it better for me. I wanted to go out there and protect my dad since no one else seems to give a damn. I logically knew that it would be suicide and Matt and Joe would have to go rescue me, but that thought wasn't enough to keep me from fighting.

I was waiting the moment that Karen came backstage I was on her like white on rice. I was so absolutely livid that before I knew what I was doing I shoved her. I didn't knock her over, but I came pretty close. It kind of made me feel better, but I really wanted to do more. Thankfully I restrained myself.

"What the hell was that all about? This needs to end now Karen before someone gets really hurt. I just want this to stop, and I know Kyra and Kody would to if they knew what was going on. Do you really think that this is getting you anywhere?" I asked. I had more things that I wanted to say, but I didn't trust myself to keep my language in check.

"Don't ever push me again you spoiled little brat. Kurt may have changed his mind, but it looks like his original assessment was right," Karen spat at me angrily. Apparently the fire in my eyes was lost on her.

"Fine, have fun, I hope they destroy everything that matters to you. You are so proud that you are married to someone that owns part of the company that you forgot where you came from. You forgot things that used to matter you. I apparently am one of those things," I said. "I may have to deal with you, but I will never respect you again."


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: I think it's awesome that in the first 15 minutes of Impact I already have ideas turning in my head. This is awesome. The end of Impact so played right into my hands.

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Chapter 7

**January 22, 2011**

I was a little bit nervous. Matt had decided that our relationship was serious enough to invite me to Fairfield. He wanted me to meet his kids, his ex wife (there was surprisingly little drama in that relationship), and his family. I was kind of worried that they wouldn't like me. Well not that they wouldn't like me, I could handle that; I was worried that Matt would realize how many flaws I had when they saw them. He had been awesome about reassuring me when I verbalized my fears to him, but I still had my doubts.

I felt really proud of myself though. For the first time in a relationship I wasn't running away. Sure I was scared that all the people in Matt's life would make him realize how flawed I actually was, but if I wanted to keep Matt in my life I had to step out on that limb. If I did the same things that I always did I was going to get the same results and I cared to much about Matt to let my insecurities get in the way of one of the best relationships that I have ever been in.

"Baby, they will like you because you make me happy," Matt assured. Kayleigh was taking a nap while we were waiting for Kourtney and the kids to arrive. I wished I could be as confident as he was. If someone I cared about was dating someone like me I would be a little bit worried.

"I know you say that, and I'm not worried about your kids liking me. It's Kourtney and every one else that I worry about," I said.

"Kourt, wants me to be happy. She knows that you make me happy," Matt said. "My family will also realize that you make me happy, so they'll be fine."

I didn't really have to much more time to worry because it wasn't long before three bundles of energy burst through the door. I wasn't worried about the kids and not to my surprise I almost immediately clicked with them. Matt's three kids were ten, six and almost four. They were awesome and the youngest ones were around my siblings ages.

Sometime during the commotion Kayleigh woke up and Matt heard her before I did. I didn't even realize she was awake until he walked out with her. I introduced her and she looked a little overwhelmed and I knew she was hungry. Her schedule had been a little off the last couple days.

Aubrey (who is almost four) immediately nicknamed Kayleigh Kiki. I smiled and took Kayleigh into the kitchen to feed her. Kourtney followed me while the kids were hanging out and rough housing with Matt in the living room. I had a feeling that she wanted to talk to me woman to woman. I have a feeling that I knew what it was about.

"He really likes you," Kourtney observed. I was surprisingly more comfortable around her. More so than I thought I would be.

"I really care about him," I said. I clipped Kayleigh's high chair to the table and got her a banana to eat while I was getting the rest of his food.

"I just want to make sure. You're the first girlfriend he's brought around and we've been divorced for almost 3 years," Kourtney said.

"I was actually really nervous about meeting you guys. I mean I don't know what Matt has told you, but I have a past and I have some issues, but I just want you guys to like me," I said. I felt oddly comfortable talking to her even though she was like ten years older than me. I was kind of relieved.

"He hasn't said much. We all have pasts though and the past isn't what defines us it's what you learn from it," Kourtney said. "On that note for whatever reason I seem to like you so please don't hurt him because I don't want to have to go psycho on you."

"I don't intend on hurting him. For the first time in my life I think this relationship is going to work," I said.

My phone chose that moment to ring. I sighed when I heard the ring tone. "Can you please watch her for a second? I have to take this call."

Kourtney nodded. I left her room. AJ wanted something. He probably wanted to see Kayleigh since I was out of town. He never wanted to see he when I asked before I made plans, but when I did make plans he wanted to see her at the last minute. I was about done with these stupid games.

"I want to see Kayleigh today," AJ said. "I'm in Pittsburgh."

"AJ I asked you earlier this week if you wanted to see her this weekend and you said you were busy. I'm not in Pittsburgh," I said. I knew that he was going to have a conniption. He would assume that I was with Matt (which I was) and freak out.

"You're with him aren't you?" AJ asked getting ready to go into a rant.

"I am, but I'm feeding our daughter so I'll have to call you back," I said before he could even start. I didn't give him a chance to respond before I hung up.

The weekend was awesome. Hannah, Connor and Aubrey stayed the night and we had dinner with Matt's parents and siblings. They all seemed really open minded. It was really relieving for me to know that this might actually work. His parents and siblings were open to me and nonjudgmental just like he promised.

**January 27, 2011**

I was so nervous and I didn't have my little girl. AJ wanted to see her so Kurt and Matt took her to Orlando with them, so he could. Neither of them wanted me anywhere near the Impact Zone especially since my altercation with Karen had almost been caught on camera. I had a bad feeling that something not good was going to go down tonight. AJ always wanted me to be there when something bad was happening to someone I cared about. It was his way of mentally and emotionally torturing me.

I was sitting with Giovanna, watching the beginning of Impact. I knew after the first 15 minutes that I wasn't going to like what I was going to see. Giovanna was the smarter one of the two of us and just stopped watching. I unfortunately couldn't do that. I ended up screaming that the TV.

I continued watching and was wondering what was going on just like everyone else. I decided then and there it sucked much more watching from home than backstage. At least backstage I felt like I had some control and foreknowledge of what was going on. At home I had nothing.

When I saw the end of Impact I knew exactly why they didn't want me to be there. I had to watch both my dad and Matt get the hell beat out of them (well mostly my dad, but I was worried about Matt too). They knew that even Joe who is like double my size would have trouble holding me back. I could take no prisoners when I felt like I needed too.

I suppose I understood where they were coming from but I decided right then and there I was interjecting myself in this mess. I was not going to continue to watch from the sidelines as people I cared about got hurt. Especially by those idiots who thought they ran the world. Scotty was now in on this too. I had remained in pretty close contact with him, as had my dad. I knew that he would have my back as much as anyone. Now it was time to come up with a plan.

I called Matt and my dad to make sure that they were okay. After listening to them both half-heartedly say they were all right and not believing a word of it I put my phone on silent for the night. I knew AJ would call to try to rub it in. He was jusr out looking for reasons to torment me and what better to torment me with.

I just couldn't wait for tomorrow for everyone to be back home. Then I could do all the things I needed to do without worrying.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: This will probably be the last update for the next week or two., but I'm going to try to get the next chapter of Fall Into Me out before I go. I'm going on vacation and all the stuff that entails. Happy reading.

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Chapter 8

**February 1, 2011**

I had told Kurt the beginnings of my plan to begin to take down Immortal. He had listened intently and actually been more supportive than I expected. He knew the feelings that I had toward Immortal. He did say that he was a little worried about my safety because of this, but I think he wanted to be there to protect me. If I didn't have to do this behind his back then he could actually do his best to protect me from they physical backlash that was bound to come from this. Then he gave me the oddest piece of advice in his life. He told me to talk to AJ. Before Kayleigh he had done everything in his power to make me stay away from AJ, and now he only encouraged me to talk to him about Kayleigh.

And even more odd I took his advice. I called the man that I could barely speak to about our daughter and told him that we might have a common goal. It was all kind of surreal actually. We couldn't talk about Kayleigh without fighting, but we talked about this for a long time. It was our longest conversation since Kayleigh was born 13 months ago. Hopefully this was the beginning of us working together toward a common goal.

I knew that I needed to tell Matt that I was working with AJ an that I wanted to take Immortal down. I knew that AJ would rub it in his face the first chance that he got. AJ was helping me do something that Matt couldn't. AJ would look for any chance he got to win me back in his mind although I could honestly say that now I didn't' want him. Not only was AJ going to rub it in, I wasn't going to keep any secrets in this relationship. In all my other relationships there had been secrets and I wasn't going to partake in that this time. I wasn't going to intentionally destroy my relationship that way.

**February 3, 2011**

I couldn't believe what Karen and Jeff were trying to pull. As I watched more and more of her segments I couldn't believe what I was seeing. They made it seem like Kurt and I had no contact with Kyra and Kody and that was completely ridiculous. Kurt saw them at least 2-3 times a month and was in contact with them pretty much every day. (Given the fact that they lived so far away I think that's pretty amazing. Some parents can't manage to do that with their kids in the same city.) Kurt was an awesome father. He puts his kids first in everything that he does no question asked. I talked to them close to every day, and while I wasn't down there as much as Kurt I was down there once every 4-6 weeks typically. I generally didn't go when my dad went seeing as I had so much time with him and didn't want to detract from their time. And it made it easier for mine and Karen's relationship at first even though it had been strained for a little while before this.

I was also kind of concerned with the way things seemed on tape. I didn't really like the way that Karen was interacting with them, and I definitely didn't see the man that I had once respected, and cared about like another father, in Jeff. He felt so different than he had been before Hogan and Bischoff convinced him that Dixie stole his company. It felt very odd at how things had changed so much in the last year.

Honestly I felt bad for the kids. I know that Jeff's girls weren't really my sisters, but they had nothing. Kyra and Kody know that I love them more than anything and that Kurt loves them more than anything. I emailed and chatted through im's and Facebook chatted with the elder two regularly, and they didn't seem to like this much. They didn't like that so much dirty laundry was being aired publicly. I had to agree with them. For once I wished that the adults in that house would behave like adults rather than scorned teenagers. It was getting to be old pretty quick. I felt myself get agitated even more quickly. I really needed to work on keeping control of my emotions.

"Babe, chill. You're getting yourself all worked up. You'll have your say later," Matt reassured. I knew that he was doing his best to be okay with this. Amazingly I thought that if I wasn't so torn up by the emotional crap that was going on he'd be okay with AJ and I working together. It was good to know if AJ and I could ever get on the same page with parenting. Matt didn't seem to be threatened by AJ at all.

"How's Kiki?" I asked. I knew Matt had been looking out for the fast moving toddler much of the evening (she took to walking about a month ago like a fish to water) while I was in meetings and what not. This was going to be an amazing feat of organization not only for the take down, but to keep myself connected with Matt and the rest of our makeshift-ish family. If I could make the through the next few moths life would be good.

Thankfully as of right now most of my work was going to be organization, being a backstage liaison between They and the rest of the locker room that may be against the Immortal regime, and that type of thing. I was really happy that it was all behind the scenes stuff right now for the most part. I may have a few incidents were I catch the camera, but otherwise no one knows about me and what I'm really up to. Right now for a while it will just be that AJ really wants to spend more time with Kayleigh to explain my presence backstage. That is unless Immortal sees through the attempt at subterfuge and brings me into this. It wouldn't surprise me if they did. I don't really like that many of them. Any of them I was friends with before have pretty much lost all my respect by selling out. They have changed so much that I don't even want to know them anymore.

"AJ picked her up a bit ago. He was actually really civil with me and everything. It was kind of really what you had always envisioned," Matt said. I probed his eyes to see if he was just trying to ease it for me or if what he said was mostly accurate. His eyes always told me the things that I needed to know. I came to the conclusion that for right now we were trying to work it out for Kayleigh.

Honestly I really wished for the type of relationship that Matt and Kourtney have for AJ and I. It would be so much easier on Kayleigh in the long run if she saw AJ and I and whoever we were with as one single unit rather than pieces. I wanted what was best for my daughter.

"That's good. Maybe he's realizing what he was missing. I just want everything to stabilize and be good for her," I said. Matt knew that I had been agonizing over what to do with the situation. I had considered getting a lawyer and going for full custody, but that didn't really seem like a very good idea. I wanted Kayleigh and AJ to have a relationship, and honestly I didn't have a good reason to keep Kayleigh from AJ. There wasn't anything he had done that made me question Kayleigh's health and safety when they were together. "Did he say when he was bringing her back?"

"He said that he was keeping her for the night. He seemed more serious about it than I had ever seen. I think hew as worried that something might happen tonight and that you would be needed elsewhere," Matt said. I couldn't believe how awesome Matt was about this. He was absolutely behind me with this. I felt like he balanced out my feelings of anxiety and what not about everything with his take things as they come attitude. He always had a plan for the worst, but always, always expected the best.

By the end of the show I was smirking. They had revealed themselves, and I was backstage trying to recruit more allies. The more allies we had the more successful we would be taking control back from Immortal. It was fun knowing all the secrets before everyone else.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Just a warning it's a sorta Valentine's Day chapter. I know it's like two weeks or more late, but I just love Valentine's Day so bear with me.

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Chapter 9

**February 14, 2011**

I was a little stressed out. The last week and a half has been crazy. I haven't really had any adult time with Matt, at least one of us have always had our kids around. I loved kids and family, but I needed a little time alone with the man that I loved. I made a mental note to tell him that. Having a few hours alone has been a logistical nightmare. He promised we would do something special tonight. Kourtney had Hannah, Connor and Aubree and Dad and Giovanna said they would watch Kayleigh tonight since they just brought Guilana home about a few weeks ago. Neither of them were ready to go out yet. I have another baby sister. I actually liked having siblings, and Dad was super happy so it was all good.

"So what are you and Matt going to do tonight?" Giovanna asked. I knew that even though she would like to go out she would rather be her with the baby. The baby was the center of both her and Dad's word. He has done wonderfully dividing his time. He's done so much better than he has previously.

"I'm actually not sure. He won't tell me. He keeps telling me it's a surprise. I tell him I hate surprises, but he says that I have to learn surprises can be a good thing. I suppose that in a way he's right, but I don't think I'll ever like surprises. I've learned to associate surprises with a let down of some kind," I told her. It was surprisingly easy to be honest with her. She and I had a good relationship all ready.

"Katie, things change. You have so many different people in your life that weren't there in your childhood and people have changed," Giovanna said. "Sometimes we just have to put things behind us and move forward. If you spend to much time running from your past you usually end up caught in it again."

"Thanks, Gia, you are awesome. You're absolutely right and I have been trying to change. It's just hard to take down walls that took so long to build up. I know that my heart doesn't need them anymore, but taking them down is almost more scary than I can bear. I know it sounds odd."

"Katie, I know that we all do what we need to go get through things, but the walls around your heart are going to keep so many people out that you're going to miss some awesome people. People can only hit the same wall so many times before they decide to keep out," Giovanna reminded me.

We'd been talking about things like this a lot lately. I think it was because I was nervous about my relationship with Matt. It was getting really serious and I had never been with someone like him before. He was so open and honest with me that I was nervous about not being able to open up as much with him. He seemed to be taking things in stride and not worrying about it to much, but I was. I didn't want him to think he was in this relationship on his own, but I was scared. In fact, I was terrified that my heart would break again and I would end up being unable to pick up the pieces.

"Dada," Kayleigh squealed as soon as Matt had entered the family room. I had completely lost track of the time. I hadn't heard the door or anything either. Dad must have let him in quietly.

"Sorry babe, I lost track of time. I just need to change really quick give me 15 minutes," I said. Matt didn't say anything he just smiled. I was so excited even though I hated surprises. I really just didn't want to deal with things being out of my control. I wasn't afraid to admit that I was a control freak. I liked being in control. I think that I'm a little to much like my dad in that way.

Matt hung out with Kayleigh while I made myself ready. Matt hadn't told me anything so I had no idea what to war so I picked a pair of dark skinny jeans and a cute tank to p with rhinestones and lace. I slipped on a pair of heels and ran a brush through my hair and applied about two minutes worth of make up before going back downstairs.

Mat looked amazed that I was in the allotted 15 minutes. I even had a couple minutes to spare. It was a talent that I inherited from my mom. I was always pretty good at getting ready quickly. It made my college life so much easier, and now it makes being a mom so much easier.

Matt and I said goodbye to Kayleigh, who proceeded to scream the entire time that we were leaving. I felt so bad, but I knew that Kayleigh would be fine with Papa and Gia. She loved them, and she would be fine a few minutes after we left. She always was. I think it broke Matt's heart a little too, but we needed some time to ourselves.

We went to Matt's hotel room and ordered some room service. I was glad that my surprise wasn't anything big. It was pretty normal for us to hang out in a hotel room or at one of our houses and just talk, watch movies or something. We were really a pretty low key couple. It was kind of hard to go out anyway. There was always someone recognizing Matt and it made life difficult especially if any children were present.

"So I'm thinking about moving here," Matt mentioned casually during our conversation.

"Oh really what brought this about?" I asked casually. Honestly I was freaking out a little inside. This wasn't something that people usually took lightly. Then again some people would say that freaking out is my thing. I am pretty good at it.

"Kourtney got offered a job in London, and she wants to take it. That would give me primary physical custody of Bree, Hannah, and Connor. We would share legal custody still, but it would be pretty much me going solo on the day to day stuff," Matt said. He was still acting casually, and I was trying not to let the mini freak out I was having inside show. In theory this sounded so good; however, that might not be the case.

"Oh, so where does moving to Pittsburgh fit into that plan?" I asked. I was curious to what was going through his mind. I know that he knew that me leaving Pittsburgh right now wasn't going to happen. I still needed the emotional and social support that my dad and Gia gave me. Financially I had some money saved up and my dad would help if I asked him.

"Well I would pretty much be going the parenting thing alone on a day to day basis. I also spend a fair amount of time in Orlando or somewhere or other on business. I want somewhere where Bree, Connor, and Hannah can have an extended family and part two would be that I was hoping that maybe we could find a place together," Matt said. I knew that things were progressing, but I really had to think about this. If it were just me then I would say yes in a heart beat, but I had Kayleigh to think about.

Her world was all ready unstable when it came to men. I was supposedly at Impact every week for AJ to see Kayleigh, but he still had only taken her one night. The other night he'd had her while we were at the arena and that was it. He had been discreet about not keeping her very long, but it still bothered me. He was supposed to be turning over a new leaf. I wanted him so badly to be the father to Kayleigh that I knew he was to his and Jenna's kids. She deserved the same part of him that they got.

Also as bad as it was to think about there was also AJ's reaction. He could make this hellish if he wanted to (and knowing him he probably would). I know that legally he wouldn't get much in the way of visitation, but it would make things even more tense and miserable. I really wanted to do everything I could to make sure that things were as peaceable as possible.

"You can take the time you need to think about this, but I would really like it to be you that took care of Bree, Connor and Hannah while I am working. There aren't many people that I would trust with that job," he said. His words struck me. I really loved him, and his words made me think to that if I couldn't be there for days and sometimes weeks at a time for some reason I would want him there with Kayleigh.

"Are you sure this is what you want? Moving in together and beginning to meld our families into one is a huge step. Also are you ready for the fall out. My dad is going to freak out. He likes you and everything, but he likes me and Kiki being at home. He's also a little weary of this. He doesn't want me to get hurt if you end up like him sometimes," I said. I hadn't even begun to think about AJ.

"Katie, when have you known me to not think something through?" Matt asked. "Me and you can take on the world. You're the one I want to be with. Sure it won't be easy, but we'll make this work."

"Are you sure you're ready for the tantrum AJ is bound to throw?" I asked.

"Again we can take on the world together. As long as we have each other we can get through anything," Matt said. "I love you and love can do amazing things."

"All right, lets start looking. If we can't find a place before Kourtney leaves then we'll figure something out," I said. I didn't know how this was going to work, but I love him. "I know I don't really say this, but I love you."


	10. Chapter 10

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Chapter 10

**March 3, 2011**

Tonight felt like the end all be all of TNA. Tonight we were going to find out the fate of Immortal. I hoped that Dixie got control back, but I wasn't going to count on it. I had a feeling this war against Immortal was only beginning. I also knew it was only a matter of time before they realized that I was on the apposing side. So far it seemed like I was remaining neutral, but no one was going to see through the rouse much longer. Although how much longer I could actually be on Impact on a week to week basis seemed to be coming to a close rather quickly.

Tonight I was here not only on the pretense of letting AJ spend time with Kayleigh, but that I was going to witness my mother's wedding. (If I were truly honest then I would have to say that it made me want to gag.) Sure Karen wasn't biologically my mother, but when my mom died Karen adopted me. It made things easier when my dad was out of town and incase if something would have happened to him. My dad was making sure that I was taken care of in his own way. I was also here to support Matt.

Tonight was going to be my last night at Impact for a while. Matt and I found the perfect house (it was only about 10-15 minutes from my dad and Giovanna) and Kourtney was leaving for London this weekend. I was more than prepared to stay at home. It was something I was looking forward to. Matt or dad would take Kayleigh down if AJ really wanted to see her, which I wasn't counting on being very often. I was sure that the kids would keep me more than busy. I was actually thinking about possibly finding a daycare for Kayleigh a day or two a week since Aubree would be in preschool and the other kids were in school. Then I would have time to myself or to do whatever. I was honestly thinking about heading back to school for something business related.

Matt and I had already begun to move some of the stuff into the house. Most of it was honestly stuff from his house. I had a little stuff from my apartment, but I gave most of it to Lena when I moved back in with my dad. I didn't think I would need it for a while. Well and honestly I didn't. Some of it was going to be new. We had picked out some stuff and it was going to be delivered this weekend.

I was also here to talk to Karen. I wanted to tell her about me and Matt, and I wanted to see if Kyra and Kody could visit during their spring break. I wanted them to see what my life was becoming like and honestly they probably needed a vacation. I missed them and now with all the new responsibilities I was taking on I wasn't sure the next time that I would be able to get to Henderson. I only hoped that Karen would be cooperative. I knew that it was hoping for a miracle, but maybe if I could get her by herself for a few minutes. I know that Jeff would skew things so that it was a horrible idea and Karen would just kind of go with it.

I found out the news of Immortal and I decided I wanted to talk to Karen one more time. I needed to ask her in person about Kody and Kyra otherwise I wouldn't be able to know I did everything if she said no. I also wanted to see if our relationship was salvageable. I was at the point that I was pretty sure that the relationship that I had with Jeff was unsalvageable, but if it was possible I would like to at least have some relationship with the closest thing to a mother I've had.

I took a deep breath as I knocked on the suite for Immortal. It seemed like the area they controlled backstage was getting larger and larger. I pushed that idea to the back of my mind as I put on my happy face. I was going to be an adult in this situation even if those who were supposed to be were not.

I asked for directions to where Karen and Jeff were hiding out, knowing that talking to one without the other was virtually impossible. Lovely to think of. I just took some calming breaths. I was amazed that I had been able to be off anxiety meds and antidepressants since I found out it was pregnant with Kayleigh. These people weren't helping any despite the promises they made when I found out I was pregnant.

"Karen, I wanted to talk to you for a few minutes," I said when I saw her.

"Sweetheart, I know that you want to talk to me, but it I am really busy tonight. We can talk in a few days," Karen said without even looking up from what she was doing.

"No, I have a simple question and you can answer it now," I said. I wasn't going to let her dismiss me like some person beneath her. "I wanted to know if Kody and Kyra could come stay with me in Pittsburgh for spring break."

"Well, you know I don't really want them in Kurt's house until he's actually married to that woman," Karen began. I hated the way she referred to Giovanna. She was absolutely wonderful with Kyra and Kody. She even stomached Karen's attitude toward her without complaining or getting that upset.

"Actually they would be staying at my house," I said. I was hoping she would just answer to get me out of her way. Then Jeff walked in and that hope went out the window. He has been driving me crazy lately.

"The house that you are undoubtedly sharing with Morgan, I don't think so," Jeff interrupted coming from what seemed like nowhere. I hate when he does that. "Our children don't need to be unsupervised around your kind of crazy. Now you're adding Morgan who is not only unstable, but you guys aren't even married. Not happening."

"Last time I checked Kody and Kyra weren't your children, but if you're going on the premise that Karen's children are yours then I would be your kid too. I am not crazy. I am actually the one person that has been the most mature in this whole damn situation. I just want to spend a little bit of time with my brother and sister," I said. "They will be perfectly fine with Matt and I."

"You are Karen's daughter out of pity, and you're an adult; I cannot make you do anything. You are a mistake that Karen helped Kurt attempt to fix. Some things just can't be fixed," Jeff said. I couldn't believe that he even went there. I couldn't believe that it didn't appear that Karen would even try to defend me. She looked like she was just going to let him say whatever he wanted about me. In that one moment I felt like my mom was gone all over again, but I held the emotion in. I was not going to let them see how upset they were making me. It would only make things worse.

"I am legally Karen's daughter, and at one point I thought that she actually gave a damn about me, obviously something has changed. I might not have been planned, but I was most definitely not a mistake.

You just proved to me that you were a liar. You promised me that you would support me and do whatever you could to make having a baby easier for me. You haven't even really been involved in Kayleigh's life, and you sure as hell haven't done anything to support me. You so worried about appearances that you have forgotten what really matters. I don't want to hear your voice until you have decided what really matters.

Karen is Kody and Kyra's mother and I was talking to her not your lame, has-been, greedy, narcissistic ass," I said. "If you were that important in the company how come your name hasn't been mentioned for a title shot?"

"Katie, if you want to see Kyra and Kody over spring break that's fine come to Henderson and see them just like Kurt, but make sure that you don't bring anyone aside from my adorable granddaughter with you," Karen said obviously trying to keep as much of the peace as she possibly could. I didn't have the heart to tell her that it wasn't really helping. "And you might want to get back with your psychologist to make sure that you don't need to be back on meds."

Karen and Jeff pretty much turned their back on me dismissing me. I was done with them. I was going to find a way to se my brother and sister no matter what they thought, and I was going to be watching them. I was in very, very regular contact with their children. I coudln't believe what was going on.

I was honestly not surprised how they treated me. I was very angry, but I completely expected it. Something has changed. Something that I will never understand. Now they were the one who was going to look like complete idiots when they had to tell Kody and Kyra that I asked to see them and they didn't let them. It wasn't my problem.

"I take it that didn't go well," Matt observed. He was pretty good at reading me even when I was trying to hold things in.

"No they pretty much called me a bad influence and crazy and you unstable. Needless to say they said that if I wanted to se Kyra and Kody to come to Henderson," I said. I left the thought out that I didn't think I was ever going to be able to see them. I was really scared that Karen was trying to cut me out of their life and drive a wedge between us. "So how did your little chat with my dad go?"

"Not to bad. He's warming up to the idea. It was pretty much the standard you're not a bad kid, but if you break her heart I'll break your ankles," Matt said. I knew that my dad was trying to make this as easy for me as possible. I also think he honestly liked the idea of me being with Matt; he just had to get the formalities out of the way before he could be okay with it.

**March 5, 2011**

Kourtney was about to drop Aubree, Connor, and Hannah off. Matt was in what was gong to be Aubree and Kayleigh's room he painted the walls light purple yesterday and was now putting Kayleigh's crib and Aubree's bed together. Connor's room is green and going to have a sports theme and Hannah's room is yellow but she had yet to decide anything else aboutthe decor. I was unpacking the last living room and kitchen boxes while Kayleigh was sleeping in her pack and play.

Most of our stuff was unpacked and we had more furniture coming this afternoon. There were a few things that didn't really fit or we just decided that we wanted new ones. Some things weren't worth moving from our old places.

It wasn't long before Kourtney came in with the kids and a few things from her place that they absolutely couldn't part with. Matt was still upstairs putting beds and what not together so that was their first destination. I could hear the excited conversation up the stairs.

"Katie, this is a big responsibility. Are you sure you're ready for this?" Kourtney asked.

"Yeah. I love Matt and I want to be with him no questions asked," I answered honestly. My dad had asked the same question and I answered the same way. Matt and I were a family and we were both in this long term.

"Then I wish you luck. As well thought out as Matt is he isn't always an easy man to live with. If you need anything just give me a call and I'll listen and do whatever I can to help," Kourtney said. We had actually begun what had the potential to be an awesome friendship. She was so open and she was just a special person. It was refreshing that she was in my life.

"I'm not always an easy woman to live with, so I guess we're even. We'll figure everything out," I said, "but if I need anything I'll let you know, especially advice."

Kourtney and I talked for a few more minutes before Matt and the kids came rushing down to say goodbye to Kourtney. She was leaving tonight from Boston so she wasn't going to be able to stay very long. I kind of stepped back and watched. I didn't want to intrude, and Kourney and I said our goodbyes when they were upstairs.

I braced myself as she pulled out of the driveway for a difficult next few weeks. I knew that after a couple days things would get difficult. I knew what it was like trying to adjust to a new environment and I was older than these guyse when it happened.


	11. Chapter 11

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Chapter 11

**March 17, 2011**

I had expected craziness when I sat down in my new living room to watch Impact. I had put all four kids to bed and settled into my awesome new family room. What I hadn't expected was this. AJ had been powerbombed from the stage.

I know I don't love the guy anymore (or even like him a lot of the time), but he is the father of my daughter. I would always care about his well-being on some level. Our lives were entwined forever because of one special little girl. I also worried about his career. I know that he loves it and it makes life easier when he's happy.

Matt called me right at the end of the show to tell me that he would keep me as up to date as he could. No one really knew anything and it would probably be a little while before anyone would. I thank him and told him what had gone on through the day.

The move had gone surprisingly well so far. I was expecting some initial resistance from everyone including Kayleigh, but so far nothing major. I knew that it was far from being considered a success yet. I had to wait till Matt's kids were really comfortable around me and sure that I was going to be around for a while. I wasn't sure yet that they didn't think that I was just some passing craze.

I had tried talking again to Karen and Jeff about letting Kyra and Kody stay with me during their spring break that was only a little more than a week away, but she wasn't budging. I wish that we still had the same relationship that we did before she got married to Jeff. Hell, I wish that Jeff and I had the same relationship we had before he decided that he had been wronged by Dixie.

I also wished that the adults in this relationship could get along because it was really affecting the kids including me. It's kind of sad that I am more mature with AJ than they are with each other. Especially considering mind and AJ's relationship. They make us look like we have it all together, and that's kinda sad. I have trouble dealing with their relationship, so I can only imagine how Kody and Kyra feel.

AJ and my uneasy truce had gotten a little better since Fortune's departure from Immortal. It was still definitely a work in progress. AJ still had issues with Matt, but he was handling it a little more mature than he had been before. (Yes, I am aware how little that really is saying.) I was grateful for that. He still didn't spend as much time with Kayleigh as I wished. It was for the most part improving, but not as much as I hoped. He actually hasn't really seen Kayleigh since we moved. And now this was going to make it even longer. I wasn't sure if he had wanted some time off or if he had really hurt himself.

I settled down for bed and was thankful that Matt was returning in the morning. I missed him. It is hard being the only adult in a house full of kids. He had been gone most of the week, and even though we were talking everyday it just wasn't the same. I missed the physical and emotional closeness. It was going to be awesome to have him home all weekend. I was still looking for a preschool program for Aubree, and some sort of childcare for Kayleigh a few days a week. I really wanted to go back to school and figure out what the heck I wanted to do.

I had recently thought about being a social worker. I wanted to make sure that I could at least sort of support myself and Kayleigh if Matt and I didn't work out, and I wanted to help kids that have had the same kind of home life that I did. I wasn't expecting that to happen, but I didn't want to have to stay with my dad and Giovanna forever. I needed to prove to myself and my little girl that we could make it no matter the circumstances. She was the most important thing in the world to me right now.

**March 18, 2011**

Matt and I were finishing a few things out around the house, going to pick out a playset, and get some other landscaping materials to do some stuff outside. Sure it was still cold, but before long the kids would want to play outside, and I would want them to.

Giovanna said the she would take the younger kids for the day so we could try to get things done. I saw a letter I had received when we got back from the store and knew that I had to talk to Matt. He had really been trying to get me to open up about my teen years, and the reasons that I was the way I was (which would be a therapists dream or nightmare, I'm not sure which).

The thing that I had to tell him now was something that I definitely wanted to tell him face to face and without children around. I have always been very cautious about talking about sensitive matters around Kayleigh, and that was extending to Matt's kids also.

"Matt, we need to sit down and talk," I said taking the picture out of the letter.

"Ok just a second," Matt called from the yard.

I took a deep breath while he came in. I needed to center myself a little bit before I told him this news that he needed to know. I knew that it was going to take me back to a tough place in my life that I wasn't sure if I was really ready to revisit. I knew that I had to though. I couldn't keep something like this from Matt.

"So, babe, what's on your mind?" Matt said sitting next to me.

"I have something to tell you, but first you have to promise not to interrupt me until I'm done," I said. I took another deep breath when he said okay.

I began to tell him about some of my previous relationships. Kayleigh wasn't my first pregnancy. I got pregnant when I was 16 and had an abortion (not a moment I was proud of, but it happened), and then I made the same mistakes again when I was 18. This time I decided to go the adoption route. I had baby girl named Karissa who I tried to take care of for a few months, but then decided to go the open route. I saw her about three times a year and got regular updates in her process. She's a happy healthy four-year-old. She is perfect as far as I know. I stayed out of the problems at my house that were going on during that time.

Matt seemed to take it all in fairly well. Then again I shouldn't have doubted that, he has handled everything I've told him so far about my past pretty well. He knows about the depression issues that I have had to deal with, the issues with AJ, and the drama with my parents. He took a few moments to I suppose figure out what he wanted to tell me. I hoped that he wouldn't react too horribly, but I was pretty sure that wasn't going to happen.

"Look, Katie, we all make mistakes and do things that we aren't proud of. But the choices that you have made have made you the woman you are today, the woman that I love. I don't think anything less of you because of those choices," Matt said. I had a feeling that he had made more poor choices than he's shared with me so far, but he was waiting to tell me. He gave me a great big hug and just held me for a couple minutes before the door opened. Giovanna or Kurt was bringing the girls back


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: I really wish that there was a reason that this took so long, but there isn't. I've had this written for a long time and haven't actually gotten to typing it up until now.

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Chapter 12

**April 11, 2011**

I spent a lot of time training with my dad, Matt, Scotty, and whoever else would help me. I knew convincing them to actually let me get into the ring were two different things. I hadn't yet fired out how to do it, but I would do it. I was done letting Karen manipulate things between Jeff and my dad. I'm beginning to think that she masterminded everything. It wouldn't surprise me.

It was unsure of how Matt was going to react to me wanting to do this. It changed everything at home. The kids had gotten used to me being there for the day to day stuff. Matt was always a phone call away, but I had to deal with the vomit and the tantrums, the relationships with peers and teachers. I wouldn't change any of it, but I have to say being a working parent would give me a little time to cultivate adult relationships.

Matt never said anything about not getting a local job somewhere, but it wasn't very practical with schedules. I was constantly busy with kid functions as it is. I know that is why this sounds appealing. I would be gone 36 hours on end a week then come back and be a mom the rest of the time.

Scotty was the one who no surprise was the most supportive of me and learning the craft, and I was sure he would be the most supportive of me actually getting into the ring. He was more relaxed about things like that, and realized from my history with AJ that you can't stop me.

Gigi has been awesome. She was a godsend with the little ones. Without her help I would never have been able to do this. I wouldn't be able to do a lot of things. She's the way, or possibly better, than Karen used to be.

I had continued to keep in contact with Kyra and Jeff's girls. I also continued to worry about their emotional well-being. Karen seemed to be demanding an increasing amount of perfection from them, and it seemed that Jeff was trying to take over as Kody's father. It was honestly making me sick even if there wasn't anything I could do about it.

I recalled how it seemed like Kody and Kyra were relieved the night they spent with Dad and Gigi. Like a weight had been lifted from them. All this drama was really affecting them. Hell all this drama was really affecting me.

Matt's noticed too. It's been stressing me out, so has being alone. I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to moving in, but as the saying goes you never really know what your getting into until you live it.

This was the first time I was getting into the ring this week. I was honestly feeling pretty horrible. I had been dealing with sick kids for like 4 or 5 days. They have all been passing a stomach virus around, especially Aubree and Kayleigh. I just didn't want to let anyone down or make them think that I didn't really want this.

"Are you okay Katz?" my dad asked.

"Just a smidge tired, so let's get this show on the road," I said.

Kurt didn't look like he believed me, but we got started anyway. I had done my best to keep up with my cardio and strength training even with sick kids.

Needless to say I didn't last long. Dad made me quit when he realized how sick I was actually feeling. I being me tried to convince him I would be fine, but he wasn't buying what I was selling. I actually felt loved and cared about.

I sighed when I walked in the door. Mat was watching a movie with the kids. I was unsure if dinner had been started, but nothing had been cleaned up. I wanted to curl up next to the toilet and puke.

"Katie, can you start dinner?" Matt asked from the family room.

"I can't. If I do I'll puke all over everything," I told him honestly. I wasn't sure that I would even make it upstairs.

He sighed as I went upstairs to shower and change. I knew it was going to be a rough evening. Matt sounded frustrated and I felt horrible. After showering and emptying the non-existent contents of my stomach I went back downstairs. I figured if homework hadn't been started I could at least help with that, or keep Kayleigh and Aubree occupied.

"Hannah, Connor, have you started homework?" I asked. Both responded with a shake of their head. When I asked them to go get it I was met with a glance at Matt (almost as confirming it with him) before doing as I asked. I tried not to let it get to me. This was homework time every day. I helped them while I was making dinner.

I double checked on Aubree and Kayleigh who were playing in the kitchen set near us. Aubree was trying (with some success) to get Kayleigh to play with her. When Hannah and Connor returned I shifted my focus to helping them. I tried to drown out the nauseous feeling I had.

It wasn't long before I heard an earsplitting scream. I had a feeling I knew what happened. Kayleigh was going through a biting phase.

"Bree, what's wrong?" Matt asked roughly. I would tell his patience would be thin. I wondered how we would handle this. I didn't want to intervene so I just watched.

"Kiki bit me," Aubree whined showing Matt her hand. I continued to keep Connor on track with his homework and heard Matt swear under his breath.

He went to Kayleigh, smacked her bottom, and told her no biting. Now both girls were screaming. I took Aubree to wash were she was bitten and get a cold compress. I gave her lots of love and attention. Kayleigh was still screaming when I returned and I was unsure what to do. I wanted to comfort her, but not undermine Matt in the process.

I knew Matt and I needed to have a chat about when spanking was appropriate. Lovely his first night home in a week and this is what I have to deal with. I was hoping to get someone to take care of me, or maybe 30 minutes of my own time. It didn't look like that was going to happen.

The kids ate dinner and I loaded the dishwasher. Matt went into the family room and turned on sports center. I sighed. I was almost done in the kitchen when I saw the time.

"Matt do you want to give Bree and Kiki a bath or help Connor and Hannah finish up their homework?" I asked. Normally it was done all ready, but they were off schedule. I was very scheduled. I had to be with four of them by myself.

"Can't I have a few minutes?" Matt asked.

"Matt, it's a school night and almost bedtime. I feel horrible and I need help," I told him as calmly as possible. I didn't mention that he'd been away while I was dealing with this stomach virus.

Matt reluctantly turned off the tv and came into the kitchen. "I'll do this. You do bath," He said gruffly.

I went upstairs and drew the water for the girls. Then I got them upstairs and undressed. Aubree got in the tub when Kayleigh started vomiting. I rushed her to the toilet and resisted the urge to call for help. This was definitely going to be a long night. I held in the urge to vomit long enough to bathe and dress the girls. When I couldn't hold it in any longer I ran into the master bath to vomit.

"Katie, are you okay?" Aubree asked.

"Yeah, my tummy just hurts," I told her. "Let's read a story and get you guys tucked in."

It wasn't' much longer before Connor and Hannah came up and went to bed.

"Matt, we need to talk for a minute," I said. I took a deep breath to recenter myself.

"Yeah we do," Matt said. "I came home to a disaster area," Matt said.

"This week has been rough. Someone has been sick all week pretty much. I've been dealing with that first, everything else second," I told him.

Matt seemed to be taking in what I said. I had told him over the phone that the kids had always been sick. "Still it was a mess."

"A mess you also walked over and ignored," I pointed out. I had a feeling this wasn't going anywhere. "I've done the best I can."

Matt visibly bit back a retort. I wasn't sure that I wanted to know what he was thinking. "Really what I wanted to talk about was earlier. When Kayleigh bites, and watch out she's bitten everyone, I've been sitting her in time out while I help the victim. Then tell her no biting and show her that she hurt someone. I didn't appreciate you spanking her," I told him honestly. I didn't really spank or hit any of the kids; it wasn't that helpful of a tool.

"So I didn't appreciate Aubree being bit either," Matt said. I could see the frustration on his face.

"Matt we have to be a united front or those kids will walk all over us and manipulate us. Connor and Hannah cold feel the tension between us," I pointed out. We were nothing like we usually were today. Normally we were affectionate and conversed a lot more. We'd both been kind of snappy with each other also.

"Look," I started. I was going to be the first one to apologize. Someone had to step up. "I'm sorry. I should have been more mindful of how I was talking to you today." There I did it. I hoped that would make him think about his actions of the day.

"It's okay," Matt said, but offered no apology of his own. He'd hurt me not only by his discipline method with Kayleigh, but his lack of compassion about what I've had to deal with this week.

I went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. Usually a sure sign that something was wrong, but it still didn't provoke any questions.

Finally as I crawled into bed, I asked him, "Do you care at all that I'm sick and have been dealing with sick kids all week?" I needed some reassurance. I was kind of scared.

"Katie, it couldn't have been that bad, and you have to work through being hurt or sick," he said. He was applying wrestling logic to our relationship. I knew what I had to do.

I got up. "Matt, I can't be here tonight. I'm going to my dad and Gigi's. I'll be back in the morning. Do you want me to take Kayleigh?" I asked. We both needed a time out before more damaging things were said and done. We could attempt to work through this in the morning.

"Of course you're just going to walk away," Matt said.

"I'm not walking away. I'm giving myself a time out. I said I'd be back tomorrow. I haven't ever walked away from you," I told him and for one of the first times ever I really didn't plan on walking away when things were through.


	13. Chapter 13

Light

Chapter 13

**April 12, 2011**

I woke up to find my dad watching me from the rocking chair. "What happened last night?" he asked gently.

"Matt and I were arguing, and I had to get out before either of us said anything unforgivable," I replied briefly before asking about Kayleigh who was already downstairs.

"Feeling any better this morning?" he asked. I sort of remember him checking on me while I was vomiting last night.

"Sort of. I'm still a little queezy, but that could be nervousness," I said. I remembered some of Matt's words, or lack there of, and a question popped into my mind. "Daddy, am I worth all the trouble?" I think the daddy part took him back. I hadn't called him Daddy since I was like 4.

"Kaitlyn Alison, you are absolutely worth the trouble. Anyone who can't handle you at your worst doesn't deserve you at your best," he said wrapping me in a huge hug. I knew he wanted to ask, but he didn't.

"Can you please watch Ki-ki for a little while. I'm going to go talk to Matt. See if we can figure things out," I said.

My dad looked almost proud of me. "No problem, if you need me just call."

I spent the time back to the house collecting my thoughts. I wanted this to work. For the first time ever I was willing to stand and fight. I wanted to make it through this. I didn't want to run away.

"Matt, I'm home. We need to talk," I said. I knew he was home. The SUV was in the garage. I got no response. I began looking through the house. I noted no back-packs so Hannah and Connor had already left for school. I wondered where Matt and Aubree were. There was no note by the phone. I called again in the family room; still no answer.

Finally heading toward the stairs I heard water running. I was kind of relieved.

Before going to the master bedroom, where it sounded like the water was running. I checked Kayleigh and Aubree's room. I saw Aubree sitting on her bed looking at books. "Hi Bree, how are you?"

Aubree looked at me. "Daddy said you no come back," she said confused.

"Really, I just went to see my daddy. I was sad and sick," I said. "I'm sorry if I scared you."

"So you decided to come home," Matt said.

"I was only gone for like 10 hours. I said I would be back in the morning," I said evenly. I was trying to stay calm.

"Really because I got a call AJ I was in town," Matt said. I wondered where this was going. He had never had a problem with AJ before.

"Oh, that's news to me. I haven't talked to him in over a week," I said honestly. I wondered why he was so threatened. "Can we take this elsewhere?"

I made a move to go out the door. Matt blocked the door. I was starting to get nervous, so was Aubree. She was half hiding behind me. "Matt let us through. Aubree's hungry." I hoped I had made the right appeal. I would feel safer downstairs.

"What do you want for breakfast?" I asked Aubree.

"Eggos," came the instant reply.

"It seems AJ stopped by this morning saying you asked him to pick up some things for Kayleigh," Matt said.

"Well then AJ played you. If you don't believe that I was at Dad's then call him. He was up with me half the night while I was sick. I saw him first thing this morning too," I said.

Matt just glared a hole right through me. He seemed to be doing a lot of that lately. This was going to be tricky. "Bree, why don't you go play."

"What's going on with you?" I asked. I wanted to know where the mistrust and jealousy was coming from. I had never done anything to compromise his trust.

"AJ implied that you were with him last night," Matt said.

"AJ wants me to be with him. I want to be with you," I said honestly. I was hoping this would get us started in the right direction.

"Then why did you leave your phone here last night?" Matt asked.

"I was upset and wanted my parents. I'm sorry my phone was the last thing on my mind," I said.

Matt didn't look like he believed me. I honestly didn't know what he wanted to hear. I just wanted this to be over.

"Really?" Matt asked his glare softening.

"Matt, just because we argued doesn't mean I'm going running into AJ's arms. That part of my life is over," I said. I put as much emphasis on over as I could. "I want him to be a father to our daughter and that's all." I meant what I said about wanting to be with Matt.

My phone rang. It was AJ, and both Matt and I knew it. The damned man had the worst timing ever.

AJ wanted to see Kayleigh and my dad wouldn't let him. I had to deal with this right now. I was not happy. I told my dad to let AJ have her and AJ to call me if it was going to be more than a day trip.

"Matt be honest. Why don't you trust me?" I asked. At this point it wasn't right or wrong. We had to openly communicate otherwise we'd be two passing ships or worse. If this was going to be salvaged then this was how we had to do it.

"Because I know the history. Something happens and you bolt. You've said it yourself," Matt said.

"Matt, you're right. My history in relationships sucks, but look at our relationship. Have I done anything to make your doubt I was coming back? Last night I said I would be back this morning. We just needed some space so that didn't hurt each other more," I said. "I just needed my dad."

"How did I hurt you?" he asked half curious and half in disbelief.

"You refused to acknowledge I was sick. You only criticized me about the house. You didn't even ask if I was okay or sympathize with dealing with sick kids for a week, and you were very snappy," I said.i left out about not being very helpful since it was a minor thing.

"You were just as snappy and you know I wish I could be here more," Matt said.

"I sincerely apologized for being snappy. I didn't mean to hurt you," I was about sick of apologizing and not getting any sympathy or a return apology. He still didn't think he did anything that could be considered hurtful. "I wasn't upset you weren't t home. I was upset with your lack of understanding about the house and your lack of concern about me being ill. You didn't ask if I was okay at all." I hoped I was being direct enough for him to at least understand where I was coming from for a moment.

"But you still left," Matt pointed out.

"For a little while, yes. You were making me feel so small and so angry. I didn't want to damage our relationship even more by staying. It wasn't leaving it was more like giving myself a time out," I said. "I always intended on coming back." I wasn't sure what more to do or say. I was opening up to him more than I had anyone else.

I tried to talk to him more, but he was getting to the shutdown point. He still had yet to apologize or admit that he could have done something differently. I honestly wasn't sure what to do. "Matt, I only two questions for you: Do you love me? And do you want me to l live here?"

"I do love you," Matt insisted. I honestly loved him with all my heart, but he was really irritating me right now.

"And I love you with all my heart," I told him. "You're the one I want." I was wondering what his answer for the other question would be. As long as he was honest I was pretty sure that I could deal with it. I was stronger than I was when I was with AJ. I could pull myself through anything.

"I do want you to live here, not because it's practical, but because I love waking up knowing that everyone I love is close," Matt said. I could see the honesty in his eyes.

"Okay then why are you being so mistrustful and jealous?" I asked hoping that he would be honest.

"Because you and AJ have a history that includes you going back to him so frequently in a moment of weakness or when you're emotionally charged. Last night was pretty emotionally charged," Matt said. Okay now we were getting somewhere.

"Obviously telling you I had nothing to do with AJ isn't working. How can I prove to you that AJ is in the past?" I asked. I knew this was the make or break question in our relationship. I was willing to do almost anything aside from keeping Kayleigh from him.

Matt pondered for a moment before he said anything. I think he knew the importance of my question. I'm sure he was wondering just how far he would push it. In some ways I was a little nervous. Matt could be pretty demanding.

"Don't leave angry like that," Matt said.

"Okay well what can I do then to calm down when I get hurt or upset so we don't fight?" I asked. I wasn't going to agree to that request until there was an alternate solution. There were times we both needed to calm down.

"What if we make a small room downstairs you can have for time to yourself?" Matt asked. I was thankful that he was willing to work with me on this. I honestly thought it was a solution worth trying. We agreed to try it and see what happens.

"Katie, I think you're probably right. I should have been more understanding yesterday. I'm not perfect so I'm sorry for making you feel like you had to be," Matt said. I could hear the sincerity in his voice.

It wasn't long before I ran back to my dad's and do some training. That evening was much smoother than the previous. Life had pretty much returned to normal. Only I knew my relationship was stronger because Matt and I figured out a compromise.

I was about to call AJ as it was getting late and AJ hadn't brought Kayleigh back yet. I was getting sort of worried. AJ kept her so infrequently that I was always a little worried about the prospect.

Finally the doorbell rang, and I knew it had to be AJ. I opened the door and let him in. He looked irritated. I wasn't sure I wanted to know, but I knew I would find out.

"She has a bruise on the back of her thigh just above her knee and a few other marks how did she get them?" AJ asked.

"She feel off a riding toy and the second to bottom step this week," I said. I was a little annoyed with his if he were here more often he would know that she was a daredevil.

"So she also bit me today," AJ said.

"We've been working on that. Don't feel bad I think the only one she hasn't got is Matt." Kayleigh was squirming in his arms. She wanted down to fine everyone who was mysteriously absent. AJ put her down.

"Why weren't you at home this morning?" he asked.

"Not that it's any of your business, but I was sick," I said. "By the way your trick with Matt didn't work. Please stop playing games that affect my life. Even if Matt and I break up I don't want you back. You are the past."

"I hope Kayleigh isn't here alone with him," AJ stated.

"Sadly for you from time to time she is," I said. "I'm starting to train and some tasks are just easier if she's not around."

AJ looked very frustrated. "She probably hasn't bitten him because she's scared of him."

Matt walked in just then with Kayleigh. She was telling him her about her day from the few words I could understand it sounded like she went to the zoo.

"I need some stuff. I wanted to keep her for the night, but there wasn't enough stuff in her bag."

I sighed it figures he would be difficult. He is typically difficult. Some things just never change.


	14. Chapter 14

Light

Chapter 14

April 30, 2011

So things were still pretty tense between Matt and me. I had done my best to reassure everyone that things were getting better, but honestly they weren't really. He was still very untrusting, and it was beginning to take a toll on our relationship. I was hoping that tonight might be a turning point on our relationship. All the kids were out tonight and Matt would be getting home soon. I hoped that a little time to ourselves would be just what we needed.

I had really noticed the last three weeks that Matt had been isolating me from everyone pretty much. I supposed that it had been slowly happening since I move in; I was just now realizing it. I was so busy with the kids' stuff and doing things to try to prevent him from being angry when he got home that I had pretty much no time for any sort of adult relationships. I am going to try to see if I can get a part time job when things settle down a little bit. Maybe that will help.

Matt came home as expected. I ran and gave him a big hug, but I noticed the faint smell of something different, perhaps perfume, but I couldn't be sure. I pushed it aside. "We have the house to ourselves tonight and I'm making homemade lasagna," I told him before giving him a kiss.

Matt actually seemed impressed. I hadn't seen that look in a while. It was almost like I was receiving a sign that maybe we could make things better. "Let me take a shower really quick and I'm all yours," he said giving me a wink. I was so excited. Nothing could ruin the mood I was in. I knew that it was better putting the tiny smell of perfume aside. I was sure it wasn't anything big or worth fighting over.

Matt and I had a wonderful evening eating and enjoying each other's company. It was like when we first moved in all over again. We hadn't had this peaceful of an evening in a long time. I decided that now was the perfect time to mention a part time job. It was the first time in weeks that things weren't strained between us. I felt like maybe, just maybe, he would listen and understand me now.

"Matt, I know that we don't need the money or anything, but what do you think of me getting a part-time job somewhere?" I asked. "I need some time with other adults." I had decided honesty was the best approach with this situation.

"I don't see the point. We don't need the money, and all the income from a part time job and then some would probably be eaten up in childcare costs. It sounds kind of stupid. I mean you talk to other adults at sports practices and play groups," Matt dismissed. I knew that he wasn't going to budge. I was afraid that this would happen.

"I understand all those things. I love you and the kids, but I feel like that's all I am. I think that if I worked like 15-20 hours a week I would be able to carve a little bit of my identity from something other than being a stay at home mom," I again tried to explain. I knew from the look in his eyes that I was going to eventually have to give in. There wasn't going to be any negotiating on this, but I was sure going to try. I needed a sense of identity away from the kids as much as he did. I also needed to know that I didn't have to depend on him for everything, and that I was contributing.

"If you really loved us you would stay home and work on doing the best you can with what you have. You can't keep all the commitments the kids and I have and have job too," Matt said. "We agreed when you moved in that your job was here with the house and kids."

I sighed I could see the agitation rising in him. Honestly my agitation was also beginning to rise. Part of me still wanted to push the issue, but part of me knew that I was just going to escalate in to name calling and insults. I wanted to try, but there was a fairly large part of me that just said why bother? He was going to win like he always did. I didn't have the physical size to make a threatening situation easier for me. "I know that, but I also didn't know how isolated that would end up keeping me from others. I don't remember the last time I talked to one of my friends for more than few minutes. I don't feel like I have any connections outside this house," I said.

"That doesn't mean we should change the agreement. I don't want you finding an outside job even if it is only a few hours a week and all that," Matt said. "You struggle enough to do the job you have here. You don't need any more distractions."

I decided that for right now the subject was dropped. I didn't want to ruin a perfectly good night with a stupid argument that I wouldn't win any time soon. It made me feel very defeated that he didn't have any confidence in my abilities to multitask. I knew that Matt had issues with how I cooked and clean and whatever. It felt like I was never going to meet his high standards. I did fine for a few months but lately things have gone down-hill.

Matt and I again settled for the night. It was really peaceful for the rest of the evening even if I was a touch disappointed that he was so against something that I felt like I needed. I just tucked it inside like had been doing with so much lately. I thought maybe I'd readdress it in the morning if things were still peaceful.

Morning came and Matt seemed to still be in an okay mood. "Matt, did you think any more about what we were talking about last night?" I asked while I was making breakfast. I was making pancakes, eggs, and sausages per his request. I really didn't want anything big, but he did.

"Don't be stupid Katie. I already told you that you don't need anything outside of the house. You're being pretty ungrateful just bringing it up. You just need to focus on me, the kids, and the house. That is all you need. It's all you deserve."

I sighed and let it drop again. He was going to just get nastier and nastier about refusing my request until I gave up, so I just gave up on my own.

I wished just for a moment that he wasn't so dismissive of everything. I understood that it really wasn't going to be cost effective, but I just had a feeling that he wanted me to have to depend on him. It was more about him having the power and control over everything than what I needed. I honestly don't mind depending on him, but I wanted to feel like I had a life and a purpose. I wished Matt would be more understanding of the way I was feeling. Then again lately my feelings have been the expendable ones not his.

I went about my day and Matt went to pick up the kids. He decided that he was going to be the one to pick up them instead of me. I think it was because Bree and Kayleigh were at my dad's and Matt had been isolating me. I think it was because my dad had been asking more questions and being more attentive since the incident a few weeks ago. I could tell he had the feeling that something was wrong even though I was always telling him things were okay. I also think he knows something about the mysterious perfume-ish smell last night.

While he was gone I was served with custody papers. Apparently now AJ was unhappy with the visitation that I was giving him. He had been coming to see her more regularly (and being more inquisitive about what was going on in my house) and I was always very accommodating. As long as he came here or I took her to Orlando for tapings he got to see Kayleigh whenever he requested. The only thing I hadn't been super accommodating about was letting him take her Gainesville. I wanted to be there the first time in case if one of them needed me. It wasn't anything about me not trusting him or wanting to keep him out of her life. I knew that I would have to talk to him. I didn't want this going to court and becoming something that it didn't need to be. AJ and I were adults and we could work this out. I also knew that Matt wasn't going to like that since I wasn't going to let him be part of the discussion since he was one of the biggest sources of contention with AJ and I right now.

I decided to wait until after the kids went to bed that night before I approached the subject with him. I didn't want the kids to have to hear what might be said. I for the most part tried to shield them from my and Matt's issues. They didn't need to worry about our relationship. It was getting harder and harder though because Matt's insults and temper were getting louder and harder to ignore and hide. I know that at least Hannah and Connor realize that something is going on with us and it isn't good.

"Matt, I got custody papers today. AJ wants some more formal visitation with Kayleigh. I need to talk to him before we end up going to court when we don't really need too. I don't want to drag her through a battle when we can work it out," I said. I knew that he would say something about us doing it together, and I would protest and we would fight, which is exactly how it happened. I did stand my ground on this and pretty much told him this was something AJ and I were going to have to work out ourselves. He was not pleased and let me know it. He pulled his usual crap about me and AJ going behind his back and how this was some way that we could be alone together without him knowing.

I also re-approached the part time job issue since we were all ready fighting and I really felt like it was something that I needed in order to be happy and emotionally stable. He continued to fight me about it calling me stupid and ungrateful and a variety of other names that were even worse. At one point he got so loud that I thought he was going to wake at least one of the kids. I again gave in and ended up spending the night in the living room so that I didn't have to be around him right now.

A/N: Okay so this story had taken a turn that I didn't expect the last few chapters have gotten kind of dark and it's going to be this way for a while. Also don't be surprised if they title changes , I just haven't had the inspiration for the right one yet.


	15. Chapter 15

Light

Chapter 15

June 2, 2011

I was at Impact tonight. Matt's parents came in for a week and were taking care of Hannah and Connor. Aubree and Kayleigh had come with Matt and me. Aubree was hanging out with Mickie and Jamie (Velvet Skye) for a little while so I could talk to AJ for a few minutes. I was going to settle this now before our court dated at the end of the month. We were going to be adults about this.

This week had been rough between Matt and me. We continued to disagree about pretty much everything and I didn't know what to do. I knew that he wanted to control me and keep me dependent on him, and he was really doing a great job. I know that I could move back in with Dad and Gigi no problems, but then I would have to admit that I was lying to him about everything between Matt and I being fine. I would have to admit to him how bad I let things get. I know that that sounds like foolish pride talking, and it probably was, but I wanted to be able to do something on my own.

The problem with the stay theory was that I knew things like this always escalated. First name calling, then controlling, I knew from school that these typically were precursors to physical abuse. I knew that if I kept where I was then before long it would get physical. Well more physical, Matt already grabs at me and moves me. I have a feeling it would only get worse. I knew that soon I was going to be impossible to hide, especially when so many of those close to me knew the signs to look for.

I knocked on AJ's locker room door and waited a few moments. James answered the door holding a wiggly Kayleigh. "Mama," she said loudly.

"James, do you think you could take Kayleigh and get a snack or something. I need to talk to AJ for a couple minutes," I said. I didn't want her to be around for this incase it got a little messy.

"No problem, he's on the phone," James said exiting the room.

I waited for a minute for AJ to finish on the phone. "AJ, why did you file the papers?" I asked.

"Because I didn't want Matt to make you isolate Kayleigh from me the way he's been isolating you from the rest of the world. I'm not going to lose her without a fight," AJ said. "And I want her to meet her brothers and have some sort of relationship with them."

"I have never denied you access to Kayleigh, nor will I no matter what Matt says. I don't have a problem with Kayleigh going to Gainesville, but the first time I would like to be in the area incase on of you need me. Pick any time after the 10th," I said. I was going to be very clear about this. I wanted them to have a good relationship also. AJ and his family were Kayleigh's family too.

"I know, but the way Matt has been lately you never know. I'm surprised he let you come see me alone," AJ said. I knew that he saw through the lies I was telling and he knew how things really were, and how they were going to be if things kept up. He was going to shield Kayleigh from it even if he couldn't shield me.

"Matt doesn't really know I'm here," I admitted, "but he doesn't like me alone backstage for my own safety. Not everyone back here likes me."

I hoped that AJ didn't see through my flimsy defense, but looking at his expression I knew that he didn't really buy it any more than I did. I knew that he would be the hardest to convince about Matt really being a nice guy. No, he would be the hardest to convince to overlook the things that he knew were wrong. He had too much at stake to overlook them.

"Still, he keeps you under lock and key, and you know that's not very healthy for you or for Kayleigh," AJ said.

"What is your problem with Matt?" I asked. I was afraid that it was what I was really thought it was. I was afraid because I knew that a few well-placed words wouldn't fix it. He didn't look past Matt's faults for me like everyone else did.

"He reminds me too much of my dad, and I refuse to let any of my kids have the same kind of child-hood that I had," AJ said. "That's why I always have so many questions and am so concerned."

"I would never let Matt hurt Kayleigh. I would be out before that happened," I said. Acting the way he did toward me is one thing, but I wouldn't ever let him do something like that to Kayleigh. AJ looked a little unsure, but he didn't comment anymore on it.

AJ and I continued talking for a little bit and got most of the other issues with custody worked out. It looked like we would be avoiding court at least for now. I just hoped that everything would calm down a bit now. I wanted some time to figure out what was going on. I knew what AJ said was right in my heart, but I also truly loved Matt.

"I had better go," I said. I wanted to get back before Matt got back. It would make life easier that way. I wouldn't have to deal with the accusations and the drama. I know that it's bad to feel like that, but sometimes like now I just couldn't avoid it.

"See you tomorrow," AJ said.

I stayed as much on task as I could. I didn't stop to talk to anyone really. I just went to pick Kayleigh up and went back to Matt's locker room. When I opened the door I found I didn't get as lucky as I had hoped. Matt had already returned from the errands he had to run.

"Where were you?" Matt asked dangerously calmly. He was already scaring me and he had barely spoken to me.

"I had to talk to AJ about some stuff about Kayleigh," I said honestly. "We got the custody thing almost worked out."

"Oh, really, where was Aubree during all this?" Matt asked. I knew that he was just looking for something to criticize me about. He was already angry. I had no idea what had actually set him off this time, but me not being here was the icing on the cake so speak. Somehow whatever else was going on along with seeing AJ alone would be my fault.

"Bree was with Jamie and Mickie for a little while. It only took about 15 or 20 minutes," I said. I was trying to underplay things. Maybe it would help things stay a little calmer. I wasn't counting on it. I would suddenly be sleeping with AJ again and planning on milking both AJ and Matt for every penny they were worth or worse.

"You were alone with him. I can't believe you. Who knows what happened," Matt said getting louder and louder. I can't believe that things are this way. I can't believe he's doing this in front of Aubree. Then again the kids being around have never been a consideration for Matt. It has been me that shielded them from everything I possibly can.

"Matt, chill out, nothing happened. AJ and I spoke and worked on custody for Kayleigh. I still can't believe you don't trust me. I have never ever given you a reason to not trust me," I said. I wanted to bring up the fact that I smelled a faint perfume smell last week on a few of his things when I was washing them, but I didn't. I didn't want this to escalate in front of Aubree. I didn't really want to be having this conversation with him in front of her to begin with.

"You always say nothing happened but you always seem to be alone with someone like AJ or Eric or Joe," Matt said. "What does that look like?"

"Um… this is the first time I've been alone with AJ in months, and I haven't even talked to Eric and Joe for more than a few minutes in a few weeks. I'm sorry that I was friends with all these men before I met you. You hang out with girls all the time and I don't even question you," I said. "And I spend a little time with Kayleigh's dad and I'm all the sudden lying and cheating and God only knows what else."

"You always mess up the relationships you're in. You just screw everything up, so why would now be any different?" he asked.

"If I'm the one who messes up all the time why were you the one with perfume on your stuff? I never smell of any of my friends' aftershave or cologne after I hang out with them," I pointed out. I knew that I probably shouldn't have gone there but I did.

I quickly excited the locker room and quickly walked to catering. It was the most crowded place in the building right now since the show hadn't actually started. I needed to be away from him while he calmed down some. I didn't want to see his reaction if he found me by myself before he calmed down some. I still wasn't sure how long that would take.

"You look kinda upset," Eric noted when he sat next to me.

"Matt and I had a fight. I had to get out of there," I said.

"You know you don't have to put up with him and his drama," Eric said.

"Really, because I have no other way to support myself," I said. "I am literally stuck with him. He's made it that way." I hadn't meant to let that slip out. Eric wasn't supposed to know how much my relationship sucked right now. He was supposed to think that things were fine so that he wouldn't worry about me. Not that that would really stop him, but it made me feel a little bit better. Someone knew that I was lying when I told them everything was fine, and that was kind of relieving.

"If you really want to leave him there's always away. There is always another choice you just have to find it," Eric said giving me a gigantic hug.


	16. Chapter 16

Light

Chapter 16

June 21, 2011

This was miserable. Matt just got back from the road really late last night and so far this morning was giving me the silent treatment. I smelled the perfume again. I wasn't sure who it was, but I do know that he has been spending a lot of time with Madison lately. I despised her anyway and this has made me despise her more.

I know exactly why Matt was not speaking to me. This weekend Kayleigh and I were headed to Gainesville. Matt was beyond angry when I told him what I was going for the first visit Kayleigh had in AJ's home town. If I wouldn't have had such good footing I would have ended up at the bottom of the stairs. I think now he was going about a different tactic trying to get me to stay here, but it wasn't going to work.

"You really don't need to go with Kiki. AJ's her dad he can handle it," Matt said.

"Look, Matt, this is what I feel like is best for my daughter, and nothing you can say will change that," I said. "You are perfectly able to take care of your own children for a weekend also. I mean you are their father."

"Katie, watch how you're talking to me. I choose to let you live here, use my car, make sure you have food and all the other things I take care of for you and your daughter," Matt said. "I can make you respect me if you aren't careful."

"Matt, respect is earned. You can't make people respect you. You can just make people afraid of you or hate you," I said. "I think it might be time for Kayleigh and me to move back in with my dad for a while. You and I have some issues we need to work on of this is going to work."

"Katie, you have no control. Kurt doesn't really want you living there. He has his own family that he's worried about. If he cared he wouldn't have let us move in together in the first place. Face it, he doesn't really want you," Matt said.

"Fine, then, we can be over, and I can move in with one of my friends until I can get enough money to find a place of my own," I said trying not to let my emotions get the best of me. He knew my fears, and he was just trying to control me with his comments about my dad. Dad would never turn me away anyway. I had options.

"Katie," Matt said grabbing me and pushing me roughly against the wall, "you are stuck here forever, or until I'm done with you. I am the one with the control. You are just along for the ride hoping that you survive." Honestly he was right about the last little bit, but I was determined to take my future into my own hands. Nothing was going to change unless I changed it.

"No, Matt, you're wrong. I'm going to pack my stuff and Kayleigh's, and I'm going to call my dad. He's going to come pick us up and this is over. I love you, but I will not let you treat me like this anymore. I am not going to teach those girls that it is okay any longer. I'm just done," I said. I know that my defiance in this situation was going to make it worse, but I didn't really care at this point. "Then you'll be free to see Madison whenever you want."

Matt pulled me back and slammed me against the wall again. I flinched in pain, but was determined to not let him know how much he was hurting me. I wasn't going to give him that power. "I will do what I want when I want. Who I do and don't hang out with is none of your business."

"So now fucking around with her is just hanging out. Man up and admit that you are fucking her supposedly behind my back," I said. This earned slap across the face. I honestly didn't care at this point. "Let me go," I said. "I'm leaving."

He laughed at me his grip not loosening any. "Matt let go or I will make you," I said. I knew that I had nothing to lose. He was going to let me go or I was going to start defending myself the best I could. I had to get out before this got any worse.

I gave Matt about 30 seconds to let me go before I kicked him in the shin as hard as I could and punched him in the nose. I knew he was going to be super angry, but I was running on adrenaline now. I got my phone and dialed my dad's number and sprinted to Kayleigh's room. As long as I got to the front yard before Matt got ahold of me I would be okay. I only hoped he didn't get me at least before I made it down the steps.

I made it to the foyer before Matt grabbed my arm. I made sure to do my best to keep my body between Kayleigh and Matt. I was going to make sure that Kayleigh wasn't physically hurt even though I could hear her whining and quietly crying. "Matt, my dad will be here any minute, and if he sees you like his he won't hesitate to beat the hell out of you," I said hoping to appeal to his sense of self preservation. I had a feeling that would be the only thing that might help.

"Maybe, but he'd also find you a broken bloody mess. You aren't going to go with him. You're going to stay right here where you belong. You'll be right here when the kids get back from their visit with Kourtney pathetically failing at taking care of us."

"No, I won't. I'm done being yelled at, called names, and man-handled. I will not keep letting this happen. You can let me go or you can wait and let my dad find out and beat the shit out of you. Your choice," I said still doing my best to shelter Kayleigh from anything that Matt may do.

Just then we heard a car door open. Matt let go pushing me and Kayleigh into the door frame causing her to cry and me to hold my breath. "So help me God, if you go with him you won't know what hit you," Matt said as I heard my dad coming up the walkway.

"Go to hell," I said opening the door while Matt was out of the way. Kayleigh was still screaming even though she saw her papa. She was starting to calm some though.

My dad didn't ask any questions though I know he saw the bruise on my face and could tell the pain in the way that I was walking. He just gave me a hug and walked me out to the car. He didn't even look at Matt. When we got to the car dad took Kayleigh from me and strapped her into her car seat before getting in and driving us home.

He was absolutely silent the way home and let me take a sleeping Kayleigh upstairs. When I got back downstairs he motioned for me to come over and sit with him. I did. I hoped that he wouldn't be too angry with me. The first thing he did was give me a hug. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked rubbing my hair.

"I thought I could handle it, then when I realized I couldn't Matt would play on my fears, and I felt like I couldn't," I said. "It was like he took over my entire life for me."

"Baby, no matter what anyone says I'll always be on your side. There isn't anyone or anything that will change that. You're kinda stuck with me," he reassured. "You deserve so much more than that."

"I know. I don't know how it got so bad. In the beginning things were awesome," I said.

"Honey, you were only there for a four months," Dad pointed out. I knew he was right.

"Yeah and the first almost two months were great," I said frustrated. "Did you know that he was seeing Madison? Why wasn't I enough for him what did I do wrong?"

"Baby, it wasn't that you weren't enough. You were too much. He needed someone to make him forget that he didn't deserve he had," Kurt said. I wasn't sure if he was avoiding my first question or not. I hoped that he wasn't.

"Did you know?" I asked again.

"I had heard some talking, and people had suspicions," He said honestly.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked. I knew that he was going to say. It didn't sound like he knew anything for sure. He didn't want to make more drama with Matt and me. And he didn't fail me. I suppose I don't blame him. It would be hard to tell someone news like that even when you were absolutely sure. If you had a doubt it would be even harder.

"So what's next?" Kurt asked. I knew that he wasn't trying to rush me, but he wanted me to start thinking. I knew that he wasn't going to push it too much right now.

"I don't know. I suppose now would be the time to figure out what I want to do when I grow up," I said. "I feel so overwhelmed right now that I don't even want to think about it."

"How about you go up with Kayleigh and take some time for you to relax," Kurt said. "You've got time to figure things out."

I took his advice. I needed a little bit to process everything before I knew what was next. I did know that I needed to find a place of my own and figure out what I was going to do with my life. I needed to be independent and show myself that I could do this before anything else would fall into place. I also needed to call AJ.

"I left him," I told him when he picked up. "You don't need to worry about us anymore."

"Katie, the funny thing about having a child with someone is that even if you're not together anymore you worry about that person," AJ said. I knew he was right. I worried about AJ's well-being, not because I really cared about him as more than a friend, but because it affected Kayleigh's well-being.

"I know, but for now this drama has passed," I said. "You were right. It seemed like you knew instinctually that something was wrong. You were the first person to notice and the only person who saw through the façade that I put up."

"When you live through it you learn to see the signs. You also know what could happen if you ignore it. I don't want to see you and Kayleigh hurt," AJ said. "However, if I know Matt and men like him you might not be out of the woods yet. He might still have tricks up his sleeve. Just promise me that if you do try to work things out with him that it'll be a while before you move back in with him."

"I don't even want to try right now. I love him, but I can't let myself be so dependent on anyone right now. I need to be my own person right now," I said, "but if I ever reconsider then I'll make sure to take things slow and not rush things."

"Good. I'll see you Thursday," he said before hanging up.

I took a little nap only to wake up and find that Kayleigh wasn't in my room. I listened closely for a minute before I heard her downstairs talking to Papa and Gigi.


	17. Chapter 17

Light

Chapter 17

**June 23, 2011**

I was at Impact. I knew that it was inevitable that I was going to face Matt again, but I hoped that it wouldn't be quite yet. I still needed some time to heal and seal my resolve. Right now I was still afraid that if he said the right words that I would go back to him. (I mean look how many times AJ told me pretty words and made promises he never kept and I still came back.) I did mean the promise I made to AJ about taking it more slowly and one step at a time with him if I decided to go back to him.

"Relax, you don't have to even come out of my locker room if you don't want to," Kurt said.

"I know, but I've already let him have enough control of my life. I want to be able to hang out here with my friends and not worry that there is some idiot out to get me," I said. "I guess I'll just hang out close to people I'm familiar with. "

I think my dad was kind of proud that I was at least trying to take my life back and be somewhat normal. It's been a difficult couple of days. Matt has been everywhere. As awesome as his house being only about 10 minutes away from my dad used to be now it's kind of a pain. He had done everything from plead for forgiveness to threaten Kayleigh and I to try to get me to come back to him. I still wasn't going to. I wasn't sure right now if there was anything that he could do that would change that.

It didn't take long for several of my friends to figure out that I was there tonight. I was pretty much the center of attention, which felt kind of awkward after trying to avoid getting attention for the last few months. I was taking time to get to know some of the guys that my friends hung around that I never really got the chance to.

I noticed Matt walk by and glare a couple of times, but he never stopped to say anything. I also noticed Madison paying a lot of attention to what I was doing. It made my insides boil to know what she and Matt had done. I despised her more than I despised anyone that I could think of. Honestly now that I think about it she and Matt are perfect for each other.

She hadn't said anything to me yet but of looks could kill I would be dead a few times over. I tried my best to put her out of my mind and focus on hanging out and making friends. It looked like I was going to be here more.

It wasn't long before her and Gail met up and came over to where I was. I just ignored them at first continuing to talk to Shannon and Jesse who had somehow become my protectors of the moment as everyone else was getting ready or doing taped segments or whatever.

I found it interesting that how without really even communicating somehow they figured out how to keep at least one person with me at all times. I am not sure if they talked about it in advance or it was just something that happened, but I was grateful. I didn't have to say anything. I knew that I had awesome friends.

Madison tapped me on the shoulder. "What," I responded. I was going to at least pretend to have a little bit of class and be civil to her if at all possible. She was the one losing in the long run anyway. She had Matt and once she realized what he was like she would realize how stupid she was.

"I just heard that you left Matt. You lost the best thing that you had going for you. Who are you going to sleep with now? You had the next big thing as a meal ticket and you messed it up. Good one," Madison said.

"I thought you wanted him anyway. You can have him now since you seem to be so keen on what's going on in his career. Just let me warn you appearances may be deceiving," I told her. I was already over this stupid back and forth.

"Maybe you just weren't good enough. Maybe you deserved everything you got," Madison said.

I couldn't believe that she said that. She didn't know the truth in what happened between Matt and me. I was sure that she had heard Matt's side. I'm sure Matt complained and told her what a failure I was every chance he got. "Madison, don't comment on things you know nothing about. He wanted to sleep with you of course I wasn't good enough. Just remember what you just said when he treats you the same way he treated me," I said. "Now if you would I'm right in the middle of something."

I knew that wasn't how she wanted our interaction to end, but I was done. You can't argue with someone like her. She will drag you down to her level, and you will lose every time. I was ready to just move on and let everything be. She was the one who wanted to pick a fight not me. I was quite happy with my family and friends. I missed Kayleigh, but other than that life was good.

Madison stormed away when she knew that I wasn't going to give her any more thought. She was just like Karen in some ways. No wonder they seemed to get along so well. I could only imagine. I felt sorry for Traci being stuck with those egomanics. They could give any guy in the world a run for his money.

I continued to talk to mostly Shannon. I was concerned about Jeff. His behavior as of late made me thing that there was something he was hiding from everyone. I know Jeff and I haven't seen eye to eye because of his involvement in Immortal, but I didn't want him going down the slippery slope and losing the battle that was constantly raging with his inner demons. He had so much more to lose now if he messed up. Shannon seemed to think that he was okay and that his distance and what not was because of all the new responsibilities on his plate and the changes in his life. I wanted to believe him, but in my heart I knew there was something else going on.

I was on my way to the restroom when Matt finally found his opportunity to find me alone. I wasn't sure how this was going to go down, but I knew that I would find a way to get myself away from him. I wasn't going to give in, so I had a feeling it wouldn't be so good.

"Katie, I'm so sorry. I promise I'll get anger management. I promise I'll do anything you want all you have to do is come back," Matt said. I had heard this all on my phone non-stop for two days. I didn't believe it now any more than when I heard it the first time.

"Matt, you do whatever you need to help yourself then come talk to me about fixing our relationship. I'm not ready to put what has happened behind me. Until I see changes in you I can't even think about taking you back," I told him trying to get by him. I wanted to get to a more public place in case if the pleading didn't work and anger took over.

"Look at all the times you took AJ back when you knew his behavior was going to continue," Matt said. "I just want one of those chances."

"Matt, you and AJ are different. Sure I let AJ drag my heart around for longer than I should have, but AJ never put his hands on me the way you did. AJ never threatened my physical safety or Kayleigh's safety. AJ didn't call me names or verbally abuse me. You and AJ are completely different situations and completely different circumstances," I said. "I am not ready to take you back, and you're not ready to have me back. End of story."

I could see the fury in Matt's eyes. He wasn't used to being rejected by anyone let alone a girl. He thought that a few pretty words would have me coming back with him. If I learned anything from AJ it's that past behavior is a very good indicator of future behavior. And I didn't want any part of Matt's past behavior. "So now you get to decide things like that. Katie you don't know what's going on in my head. I want you back. I know that I treated you horrible. We both have things to work on; we can work on them together," he said.

"When you can prove to me that you are working on things then we can talk. I am not going to take you back like nothing happened. If I did that then you won't change and next time I'll end up it the hospital and I would lose my daughter. Kayleigh is the most important thing in my life," I said. "AJ said he wasn't going to have one of his kids grow up like him, and I don't doubt that he would take her away the moment he thought she was in danger."

I saw Matt clench his fists. I didn't know what he was going to do, but I didn't really want to find out. He was scaring me again and I disliked the feeling. That was when I saw someone walk by and silently begged them to come over. I just hoped that it wasn't someone who disliked me more than Matt.

"Hey, what's going on?" James asked.

"I was just leaving," Matt said. "For now. You can't avoid me forever."

"Thanks James," I said. "I couldn't get him to leave."

"No problem. You have half the rooster looking for you," James said. "Let's go find them." I was kind of glad that it was James. He wouldn't ask to many questions. He seemed to know when to back off with me and when to push. We weren't super close, but he had been helping AJ more with Kayleigh I was getting to know him more. He was really an awesome guy if you could get past the beer drinking and the overly honest personality.

"I didn't think that using the bathroom by myself would cause that kind of reaction. I just wanted to pee," I said. That thought made me realize that I had never actually made it into the rest room. "Speaking of excuse me for a moment."

When I finished James was still standing outside the door. "Thought I'd walk you back incase Matt decided that since you were alone he would talk to you again," James said.

I gave him a grateful smile. I didn't realize that Matt's efforts to talk to me would shake me up the way they had. I knew that what had happened would stay between James and me unless I decided otherwise.

I got back to where everyone was and just looked away as they asked all sorts of questions. I decided to talk to James instead.

It was a huge relief when the time came to leave. I was excited to be tucked away in Gainesville tomorrow. Away from all this drama and time to just decompress.


	18. Chapter 18

Light

Chapter 18

**June 25, 2011**

I was amazed. I think this was the first Saturday since Kayleigh was born that I was left completely by myself. I stretched and checked my cell. I wasn't sure what I was going to do today without any children or demands.

I went and took a long shower and came out and my phone was blinking. I checked it and AJ had called wanting to know if I wanted to go with him and the kids to the zoo. I had to debate with myself for a few minutes weather or not I wanted to go. I knew that taking three kids to the zoo alone would be difficult, but I didn't want to get too comfortable with AJ either. That wasn't going to help my situation anymore. It would just get more complicated.

I decided that I would go anyway. This was kind of why I came down the first time. And it would be good for Kayleigh to see AJ and me getting along. I wanted her to know that even though AJ and I weren't together we could still get along and do things with her. Besides it would be fun and I haven't just had fun in a while.

The day was amazing. AJ's boys were really well behaved even though they were so little and Kayleigh loved seeing the animals that she loved in books. AJ and I just had fun and enjoyed them. He was so much different than he had ever been when he came to visit us in Pittsburgh. I was amazed. It was so nice to just have fun even though we were mistaken for a family more than once. It was kind of weird if you asked me, but I was easier to say whatever than to correct people.

AJ invited me back to his house, and we made dinner and got the kids ready for bed. It was so relieving to know that I could do that not only with someone (Matt rarely helped with dinner or getting to the kids ready for bed when he was home) but without being constantly criticized.

"AJ, why were you the only one who wasn't willing to accept what I was saying as the truth?" I asked.

"A lot of people find it easier to ignore things like that unless they've experienced the reality of what is actually going on," AJ said. "Besides after me dragging your heart around for so long you deserved to be happy. That and domestic violence rarely stops with a partner. Eventually Kayleigh would have been involved and that isn't going to happen."

"I've been thinking of moving out of Pittsburgh," I admitted. "It's where my mom died and so much stuff happened. I think I just need a new start."

"Well where would you move to?" AJ asked. It was nice to be able to talk to him like a friend for however long this was going to last. I have found you can never have too many friends.

"I was thinking maybe Nashville. I would be closer to Kody and Kyra and Eric lives there too," I said. "There would be enough of a support system, and I would still see everyone I love regularly."

"Makes sense," AJ said. "You could also move down here. I know my mom would love to see more of Kayleigh and so would I," AJ said. "You would have support and it's really easy to get down to Orlando if you want to see your dad or Eric or anyone else for that matter."

"AJ, I'll think about it, but you being here would be a positive for Kayleigh not necessarily for me," I said. I knew that being this close was still a temptation for me, and this was just for a few days. Tomorrow evening Kayleigh and I were headed home. Back to the daily life we had carved out in Pittsburgh. I actually hadn't even thought of moving here.

"Why are you moving anyway? I thought you'd want to stay close to your dad and Gigi despite all the things that have happened since everything happened with Matt and all the negative feelings about your mom and all that stuff," AJ said.

I thought for a few minutes. I hadn't really told anyone I was thinking about moving, let alone the reason why. I wasn't sure why I thought I wanted to tell AJ. Maybe I just wanted to get it off my chest and not be weighed down so much. "I took a pregnancy test last week. It was positive. I have an appointment Monday to confirm it," I said. "I don't want Matt to know about the baby because he will be so difficult with custody and everything. Not to mention I'm not sure how safe a baby would be with him right now. It's been a while since I left him alone with any of the kids. It even meant going grocery shopping with them and everything."

AJ looked at me. I could tell that he was unsure of what he should say next. I understood. Having your ex tell you something like that had to be a bit unnerving. "You know things happen," AJ said. "You could still move down here."

"AJ moving so close to you right now might be a recipe for disaster. We tend to gravitate toward each other when we are at our most emotional. And we can't seem to make things work in a way that is healthy for both of us," I said. I knew where this was going to lead. My out of control hormones and the feelings that I knew AJ still had for me were not going to mix well. "And on that note I think I'm going to go back to my hotel."

When I got back to my hotel I knew that I needed a nice long hot bath to give me time to relax. I was glad that I left when I did. Things were starting to get far too comfortable with AJ and that was a bad thing. I didn't want him back even though he seemed to have gotten his priorities back in order. I needed someone that I didn't have a history with, but before that I needed to be sure about the whole baby thing.

I wanted another baby, but I didn't exactly plan on being a single mom of two. I thought Matt and I might have a baby in a few years when things were more settled, but not right now. I wasn't sure how I was going to manage to take care of two kids on my own. I wanted to go back to school. Dad was right about me being a good personal assistant or office manager or something like that, but I did need to go back to school to get more computer skills. Also I worried about Matt finding out. I had intended on staying away from Impact when I started showing, and if I moved from Pittsburgh he wouldn't see me unless he was doing something crazy like stalking me.

**June 28, 2011**

The doctor confirmed it. I was pregnant again. It seemed like all a guy had to do was look at me and I was pregnant. I knew that I was going to have to tell my dad. He would be supportive although I knew that he wouldn't be really happy. I also knew that I was going to have to tell him about moving. I know that he is going to be upset with that. He has been worried about me leaving since Karen moved to Henderson. I think I can make him okay with it as long as I explain what I'm thinking pretty well.

"Dad, Gigi, I've got something to tell you," I said. Okay for Dad he had heard this before. He'd been pissed, but we made it through. He was angry about the first two pregnancies, but Kayleigh had gone better. "I'm pregnant."

Gigi was stunned. I think her silence was trying to find the right words to express what she was thinking. Dad looked kind of upset too. I can't say I blame him. I wasn't exactly thrilled about this.

Eventually Gigi just hugged me. Dad still hadn't said anything, but I could tell that he was warming up to the idea. "Are you sure you can do this?" he asked.

"I don't really have too much of a choice do I?" I asked. "I know that this isn't exactly how I planned it. I will make it somehow. I've also been thinking about moving."

"Sure you need your own place. We can find you a nice apartment nearby," Dad said. I knew that telling him I wanted out of the city was going to break his heart. I knew that it was best for the kids and me, but I knew how much it would hurt my dad. This was the hardest choice that I had faced yet. I knew that I was going to keep this baby and raise it, but where would it be best was the question.

"Dad I was thinking about moving more to the Nashville area," I said. "I know that it's far away, but I think that I just need a new beginning. It's not like I would be totally alone there. Eric would be nearby so would James, and I could see Kody and Kyra more often." I was waiting for his reaction.

"Katz, I know that you feel like you need a new beginning, but do you really want to move that far away from home. I mean I know that you have friends and everything down there, but will they be enough support. You're gonna be by yourself with two young kids," Dad said, "or is there something else you're not telling me."

"If I stay Matt will find out I'm pregnant and fight for visitation or possibly even full custody. It won't be pretty and if I lose it won't be good. I don't know for sure if the baby would be safe with Matt," I told him. "I know you want to be around like you were for Kayleigh, but I'm scared that Matt will be able to take the baby." I didn't add the legally or not part. If Matt would just get visitation then I would constantly worry about him not bringing the baby back.

"You're my baby girl and I'm gonna support you no matter what, but before you move Kayleigh so far away you need to make sure that's really what's best for her. Moving so much can be scary for a little one," Dad said. I knew what he meant. Mom and I moved around the city a lot at first. Moving further away would be harder.

"I know, but I'll visit regularly and I'll be at the Impact Zone a lot for a while at least," I said. "You're not going to lose us we'll be just as close."

"I know. You have to do what you have to do. I will stand by you no matter what," Dad said giving me another big hug. "When you decide I'll help you with whatever you need."


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: I realized I hadn't mentioned it the way I thought I had. Katie is very close friends with Eric Young. James Storm happens to be the guy that helps AJ out when he's in the ring or cutting a promo, so Katie is getting to know him pretty well too.

Chapter 19

**July 8, 2011**

Today I was picking out things for my new apartment. I had found one in Nashville. My dad was helping me afford it. I had also looked into community colleges in the area. I wanted to get a two year degree in something like business administration so I could get a real job and not have to financially depend on my dad so much. I wanted to take care of Kayleigh and the baby by myself.

Dad, Eric, AJ, and James had moved all my stuff for me. There wasn't a ton of stuff, but there was enough to need a small moving truck. I was kind of surprised about that. I didn't realize how much stuff Kayleigh and I collected. I wasn't sure how I had collected that much stuff. It seemed like I had a bag full of clothes and diapers and the furniture at my dad's when I left Matt. As far as I knew there was still more of my stuff at Matt's, but I didn't care enough to return and get it.

I still needed living room and dining room stuff and small appliances for my apartment and Gigi and I took the little ones shopping while everyone else was putting stuff together and all that fun stuff that I am completely horrible at. I have many talents but putting furniture together is not one of them.

It took a little while, but Gigi and I got all the furniture and what not that I needed to make my apartment a home. It was all being delivered tomorrow. I was so excited that I was out on my own. I know that it is what I need. I need to make a life for me and my kids. As far as I knew Matt had no idea that I was pregnant. I intended on keeping it that way, but if he did find out I was here now so he would have to come see us on our turf.

I decided that I was going to get Kayleigh a toddler bed so that I wouldn't have to buy a crib that I wouldn't use very long. She was already trying to climb out of her crib, so it was time anyway. Kayleigh seemed like she liked our new place, but the real test would be in a few days when Dad and Gigi leave and she realizes that she doesn't get to see Papa almost every day. She absolutely adores her papa.

"So what do I owe you guys for helping me?" I asked. I knew that it wouldn't be much, maybe some take-out, a case of beer, and a place to hang out for the evening. They were awesome like that. They understood my situation more than I did sometimes.

"How about take out and rent a few movies," Eric said. Of course Eric was going to mention food. He always thought about food.

"And a case of beer," James added. I looked at Dad and AJ they didn't seem to have anything to add. It was scary how well I knew these guys sometimes.

"All right what do we want?" I asked referring to the choice of food. I was completely up for take-out especially since I didn't have any groceries. I knew that was going to be one of the things on my to do list tomorrow. I didn't want Kayleigh to think we were having take-out every night, because that definitely wasn't happening.

An hour and a half later we were all finished eating and it was time to start getting Kayleigh ready for bed. She didn't really like the idea to much. She wanted to be with her daddy and her uncles. She was demanding right now that daddy give her a bath, so AJ took her to start getting ready for bed.

"So, Miss Katie what are you going to do when Matt figures out about this baby?" Eric asked. "You know he will eventually. If nothing else he'll hear you're in labor and put two and two together."

"I don't know. I know that he won't have unsupervised visits. I will disappear again before that happens. He knocked me into the doorframe while I had Kayleigh in my arms," I said. "I'll figure it out when the time comes. At first he won't believe it's his anyway. I mean he's constantly accusing me of sleeping with AJ, Joe, you, and whoever else I might be speaking with at the moment. I look at someone and I'm flirting with them."

"I know but he's gonna want to be sure. He will want to use it as a way to keep controlling you. He's not going to let you go just because you moved away," Eric said.

"I know that, but at least here I won't have to risk running into him every time I turn around. I know that Matt will figure out where I ran eventually, but he'll just think I ran into your arms or something. According to him we've been fucking around for months." I know that Eric has probably heard some of these things from Matt.

Eric didn't seem like he believed me. I was sure that I would disappear if Matt ever got unsupervised visits, but other than that I wasn't sure exactly how honest I was being with the rest of the things I said. Matt was going to try to use the baby to control me, and I knew that keeping him from knowing about the baby was going to be difficult at best. As cruel as he can be to me so far the worst the kids have gotten is a few harsh words and looks, except the incident when I was leaving.

Matt was still trying to contact me some, but I had been ignoring his calls. I know that he'll figure out I moved eventually, and he'll be super pissed. I was hoping though that I was far enough away that I would be safe.

The evening wasn't as enjoyable as I had hoped. Kayleigh wasn't being at all cooperative. I think she knew that things were changing and was going to test. She bounced between wanting me, AJ, and Papa all evening. She also had questions about Matt and his kids. I did the best I could to calm her and make her understand what was going on, but I wasn't sure it was working.

**July 9, 2011**

I woke up in my own apartment and felt kind of strange. I hadn't really ever been totally on my own. I had always had someone to live with be it a parental figure or a friend in college. I knew that my dad and Gigi would be here for another day or two, but after that I was completely on my own. I was genuinely excited, but I was also kind of nervous. I wouldn't have as much help as I had become accustomed to.

I smiled when I peaked in on Kayleigh who was still sleeping. I didn't hear Dad or Gigi either, but that didn't mean that Dad hadn't gotten up and went for a run or something. I decided that I would make breakfast until I opened the fridge and realized that I still had no food in my apartment. I guess we would be going out for breakfast this morning. I made a note to see if Dad would watch Kayleigh while I went grocery shopping.

The day was a busy day, and thankfully went fairly smoothly. I was actually surprised. I knew that after tomorrow morning I was going to take Dad and Gigi to the airport and then life would really begin. I would be just another single parent that had way to many things on her plate without her family being around, but I knew that I had an advantage over them. I had a support system. I had people that were in my corner no matter what.


	20. Chapter 20

Light

Chapter 20

**October 31, 2011**

I was so excited. It had been a rough few months, but gradually Kayleigh and I had settled into a routine. I had found an awesome child care center not far from the apartment and was taking classes at the community college. Eric and James were pretty regular around our apartment. We saw them a few times each week. AJ was also continuing to be a part of Kayleigh's life. She had gone to visit Gainesville twice, and AJ made multiple trips up to see us even bringing his boys once. Life was actually going fairly well.

Tonight was Halloween and I was hanging out at James' house (his neighborhood was better for Trick or Treating). I was just finishing up Kayleigh's costume. She was being a butterfly. I had even found time to make her costume. James was pretending that he was dressing up. His daughter Michaela was a cat. His costume was a cowboy, but that was how he usually dressed. I had decided to be an 80's girl and my costume was pretty much every cliché of the decade all rolled into one. It seemed like James was enjoying the short skirt and tight leggings. We had kind of begun flirting with each other. It was all pretty harmless.

"I've got a sitter. You know we could go out to some parties tonight after the girls go trick or treating," James offered again. He had been throwing around the idea that we could go to the parties at some of his usual bars all week. I had so far resisted his offers. I know that the bar scene isn't really the place for me right now. One I'm pregnant and don't think I would react well to watching people drink when I couldn't and the non-pregnant reason would have been when I drink always do stupid things.

"I can't James I don't want to go to some bar or party and watch people get drunk. It's just not my idea of fun," I again declined.

"Well we could go watch a movie and get some food or something," James said. I now had a feeling that this was something he wanted this to develop into something more than friends. I know that now would be the time to answer the question did I want it to at least to myself. I honestly didn't know. James seemed like a good guy, but then again so had Matt.

"James, I think right now I just need a friend," I said.

"I know. You me we go out catch a movie, get a little food, and talk. Just two adults hanging out," James assured. Maybe I was reading too much into this. Maybe I did at least need the practice going out with someone, and who better than James. I didn't have to shield anything that I wanted to talk about, and I know that I'm reasonably safe with him.

"Fine a movie and food just as friends," I said.

It wasn't much longer before we had the girls ready and about. I couldn't wait to show AJ the pictures. I would email them to him later. I also couldn't wait to be in Tampa this week. It would probably be the last time before the baby. I was already starting to show some, but I think I can hide it. AJ was taking Kayleigh this weekend and we still had to figure out how holidays were going to work, especially Christmas.

James and I took the girls out for a little bit and then got them changed into their PJ's when the babysitter arrived. From Michaela's reaction the teen was a frequent babysitter. Kayleigh wasn't sure what to think. "All right girls we'll catch you later," James said giving Michaela a hug. Jenn, we shouldn't be out very late, we're just gonna see a movie and grab some food."

I told Kayleigh bye and gave her big hugs. I knew that I had to go quickly or we would never get out the door. It was how she was at daycare. I think James seemed to pick up on that and ushered me out the door. I heard Kayleigh cry a bit as we closed the door.

"Don't worry," James said. "Jenn's great, she's been watching Kayla for about 2 years."

I smiled. He seemed to know what was bothering me without me really saying anything. "I know. She still does that from time to time at daycare too. It's just hard right now being so emotional."

James nodded then we decided what movie we wanted to see. It was like fighting a losing battle, James wanted to see the latest action flick and I wanted to see a comedy. It ended up being the action flick not that I minded that much. I tended to like movies that guys would like more than the drama and romantic comedies that most girls liked.

After the movie James took me to a little mom and pop dinner that I hadn't ever been too. The food was very good and I guess I couldn't complain about the company either. I know that at the beginning of the evening I thought that I didn't want another relationship just yet, but part of me wanted to be in one. I know that I have to let the emotional wounds of Matt heal before I could even try another relationship that had any hope of being healthy.

"James, I don't know exactly what this is about but right now I'm not looking for a serious relationship," I said. I wanted to be honest with him about this.

"Kate, relationships take time. Maybe that is where you seem to go wrong. I know that right now you just want to date," James said.

"So you're suggesting we get to know each other with the idea of seeing where this could go. No pressure until we're both ready for a relationship," I said. I wanted to make sure that he was telling me what I thought he was. After AJ and Matt I understood the value of communication.

"Pretty much. I really like you and think that this is worth it. I know that it's going to take some time to build a good solid foundation for a relationship. We both have baggage coming into this," James said. "For now you keep your place I keep mine. We see each other however much time during the week we can and we get to go out by ourselves from time to time."

James and I talked a little more and enjoyed each other's company. It was nice to be out with someone who seemed he was genuinely interested in me without any pretense or anything.

**November 3, 2011**

I was here. I was actually really happy about it. I love being at Impact almost as much as I loved being at home. I think it was the fact that I'm around all the people that I enjoyed was most of it. I was doing my best to hide the baby bump, but apparently I failed miserably as it seemed like everyone was touching it. It was bothering me, but I knew they all meant well. I hated people touching my belly. During my first pregnancy it was okay, but with Kayleigh it reminded me of that time in my life and it really bothered me. Now it was just kind of awkward.

I hadn't seen Matt or Madison yet, not that I was complaining about either. If I could go all night avoiding them it would be wonderful. I knew that Matt would realize that I was pregnant. When he realized that all hell would break loose. I know that he would fight, not because he really wanted or needed this baby but, to make my life miserable. He wanted to control me.

It was also the first time in a few months that I saw my dad. I think for once I might have been more excited than Kayleigh. I missed him so much. It had been harder than I thought to know that he wasn't just a few minutes away.

James, Eric, Joe, and a few others were just watching me. It seemed like I was holding audience in catering. It seemed like as soon as one person left someone else was there to take it. It was so nice to have the adult time though. I missed that.

Matt came up to me when almost everyone else left. "I'm in anger management," he said.

"And…" I said.

"I wanted to let you know I was trying. I miss you," Matt said.

"No you missed having someone clean and cook for you, and you miss someone to take care of your kids, and you miss someone to toss around and yell and scream at," I told him. I honestly didn't want to go back to him. No matter how much he said he had changed in the back of my head I would always wonder when the other shoe was going to drop, and honestly I didn't want to live like that.

"Why did you move? Where did you move?" Matt asked.

"I moved to get away from you and to feel safe. I am not going to tell you where I moved because you aren't a part of my life anymore," I told him standing up. I needed to go pee really badly, and I wasn't really sure how to end the conversation.

"Oh my god you're pregnant," Matt said. "You moved away to keep the baby away from me."

"No I moved to keep myself and my children safe. Your verbal and emotional abuse was breaking my spirit and eventually you would have seriously hurt me. I am not going to let my little girl think that all men should treat her that way by letting you do it to me. I actually didn't know I was pregnant before I left that day."

"Well if it's my baby then I'm not going to let you keep it from me," Matt said.

"I know it's your baby for sure, but you aren't going to see my child until I am certain you can control yourself. I will not allow my baby to be hurt," I said. "And then it will still be on my terms."

"We'll see about that. I am and always will be more important and then you. I will not let you trapeze men in and out of my baby's life. You're nothing but a common whore," Matt said.

"Hold up there," James said. "You have no right to talk to her like that. You don't talk to anyone like that." James and I had been talking about things like this and for the most part he was content to let me fight my own battles. I needed to be able to do this on my own within reason.

"You don't get to talk. You might be the flavor of the week, but ultimately she's going to come running back to me. Either that or she'll run out on you, by the way, make sure you watch her with Eric," Matt said before turning back to me.

"You can either come back with me now and everything will be fine, or you can wait and I won't be able to make that promise."

"You just said that you were going through anger management. You sound pretty damn angry right now," I said. "I am not going back to you or even Pittsburgh. I am not going to let you continue to hurt me or my children. You honestly don't see any of your behavior as a problem. You were sleeping with Madison and abusing me. If you were me would you really come back?"

"What does that have to do with anything? I'm not you so it doesn't matter. You couldn't hurt me if you wanted to. I am bigger than you, and no one would really notice you missing anyway," Matt said.

"Matt, if I were you I would watch what you say in front of people. If I go missing now then everyone would suspect you," I said. "I don't want you anymore. I am happy where I am without you in my life. I am rebuilding the life I wanted instead of the life that you forced me to have. You can't control me anymore. Don't you have anything better to do like hang out with your girlfriend?" I asked. I was getting angry and a little bit scared. I know that James wouldn't let Matt hurt me, but I was kind of worried about the baby. I didn't give Matt a chance to respond before walking away.

I took care of the business that I needed to and gave Matt plenty of distance the rest of the evening. It was pretty easy though since I guess he went to do whatever with his girlfriend. I knew that he didn't care about me so it was okay. It was better her than me.


	21. Chapter 21

Light

Chapter 21

**December 12, 2011**

I had been feeling really tired and noticed some swelling in my feet and ankles, but dismissed it as simply being almost 27 weeks pregnant. I had a little bit of swelling when I was pregnant with Kayleigh. I was sure that holiday stress hadn't been helping. I was going to mention it at today's doctor appointment, but I was pretty sure it was nothing. I hadn't ever ha any major problems with my previous pregnancies.

James and I were dating, taking time to build a relationship slowly and carefully. We wanted to make sure that our kids didn't get hurt in this. I know for a fact that Kayleigh didn't need men walking in and out of her life. I would rather keep James in our life as our friend than have this end badly again.

The doctor appointment began smoothly enough. All the measurements were where they were supposed to be and for the first time this entire pregnancy they didn't tell me I needed to gain more weight. I was amazed at that. I had been told throughout my pregnancy with Kayleigh that I needed to gain more weight.

It was when they took my vitals that things got scary. They were concerned because my blood pressure was high. High enough that they wanted me to go to the hospital so they could monitor me while they tried some medications to keep it down. It didn't sound like they thought the medication was going to work. I sighed; this was almost too stressful to deal with.

The first thing I had to do was find someone to pick up Kayleigh. I had to manage one thing at a time if I was going to be able to get through this. I tried everyone I could think of, but ended up having to call Karen. I had hardly spoken to her in the five months I'd lived about an hour away from her. It kind of made me sad. I had hoped that being closer to her would help repair our relationship. I suppose it had gotten past the point of being repaired.

"Karen, I know you are probably busy, but I have to go to the hospital. I was wondering if you could pick up Kayleigh from daycare and maybe keep her for the night?" I asked hesitantly. I absolutely hated that I had to do this. I honestly felt like such a bad parent.

"I don't know, Katie. I've already got five kids here," Karen said. "Why do you have to go to the hospital?"

"My blood pressure is too high. They want to monitor me while they give me meds," I said. "It would be overnight at the most. James comes home tomorrow from some promo stuff. He'll be able to take her then," I said. I hadn't really asked, but I knew that James would. He was completely awesome and totally loved that little girl.

Karen sighed like I was imposing, and it made me miss Gigi more. She wouldn't have questioned anything. She would have agreed before I could even ask. "I guess. Will she have everything she needs?"

"Yeah she has extra clothes in her diaper bag and when I call them to tell them that you will be picking her up I'll ask them to put more diapers in her diaper bag," I said. "Oh and I suggest taking Kody or Kyra with you. She loves them." I then gave her the name and address of the daycare before calling the daycare and James. This was going to be a nightmare.

The next several hours were miserable, but I knew that it could be worse. I was also starting to feel worse. I was trying to remain calm. It was too early for baby to come. I was only slightly over 26 weeks pregnant. It was too early. I had to find a way to help the medication work and the only thing that I could think of was trying to control my stress level.

My blood pressure was on its way down, but they wanted to keep me overnight for observation. I hoped that whatever medication they had me on would keep it down. I had to keep the baby in for another four or five weeks at least. I knew that at this point any time I could give him or her was important.

**December 13, 2011**

I was feeling a little better. Something still felt a little off, but I blamed it on being away from Kayleigh all night. The only people Kayleigh all night with are Kurt and AJ. She has always had at least one of the three of us at bedtime, and I had never been more than a phone call away to help sooth her if need. I was honestly worried about her. Karen had made it seem like such a big deal that it worried me how Kayleigh had been treated. I didn't think Karen would mistreat her, just treat her like a bother. I honestly couldn't help it. Eric and James were gone. Kristen, Eric's fiancée, was out of town on business. I had no one else to keep her safe. This wasn't going to be easy for the next few days or possibly weeks.

Around lunch I got news that as long as my blood pressure stayed down for a few more hours they would release me and I would have to talk to my doctor about bed rest. I hoped that I wasn't put on bed rest. There was no way that I could make bed rest work with a toddler at home. Eric stopped by shortly after and I vented at him. He like always reassured me that I would be okay. If I had to be on bed rest then everyone around me would figure out some sort of schedule to help me take care of Kayleigh. That was exactly why I loved being around him. He was the best friend that anyone could ever ask for.

He also told me that James was picking up Kayleigh and would be here shortly. Eric said that AJ and my dad were also planning on coming to stay for a few days until this was all sorted out. I knew that they would have my back. I loved that I had that kind of support system. It made me feel more confident that we would be able to work something out if I had to be on bed rest.

It wasn't long before James came and Eric took Kayleigh back to my apartment after I saw her for a few minutes. I reassured her that I would be okay and that the baby would be okay. The doctors just wanted to watch us for a little while. She seemed slightly appeased and told me about some of her adventures with Kyra and Kody the day before. I felt a little bit better.

"Are you sure you want to stay here. I'm sure Kayla misses you?" I said. I didn't want the little girl to think that I was replacing her in her dad's life. I want everything to flow smoothly especially for the kids.

"She's at school then volleyball right now. A friend's mom always takes her. I'll pick her up a little later," James said. "What have the doctors said?"

"That for the moment my blood pressure is down and as long as it stays that way I'll be released this afternoon sometime. After that it's up to my doctor," I said. "I'm worried about being put on bed rest. Who will take care of Kayleigh?"

"You can always come stay with me. Becca helps out with Michaela when I'm on the road and I'm sure she'd help you out too," James said. "If you're not comfortable with that then there is another solution we can find. It's not that big of a deal."

"Let's just see what happens. I don't know that I'll be on bedrest for more than a few days. I have an appointment tomorrow if I get released," I said. I had already been decided that if I was released then James and Michaela were staying at the apartment tonight just in case I needed anything. Honestly it was more James deciding, and me just not having the strength to argue with him and not wanting to be alone.

A few hours later I was released and went home on strict orders to rest and no stress. I knew I had my work cut out for me. Right now it seemed like all my life was, was stress. I had been having more problems with Matt and everything else. James took me home then ran to get some stuff for him and Kayla before picking her up. Eric was still hanging out with Kayleigh somewhere or other. He said she would be back with dinner.

I felt horrible that I needed all this help, but I knew there was nothing I could do about it. It was part of the reason that I had decided that since I couldn't stay in Pittsburg Nashville was the place that I wanted to be. I knew that everyone would help me however they could no questions asked.


	22. Chapter 22

**Light  
Chapter 22**

**December 14, 2011**

I was really nervous going into the doctor office today. I had honestly been feeling kinda crappy since I left the hospital. I had been very nauseous and tired. I didn't want to go back to the hospital, and I hoped that I wouldn't have to have the baby anytime soon. Dad had arrived this morning and AJ was coming this afternoon in time to pick Kayleigh up from daycare. He said he would keep her for a few days until we knew what was going on with baby. I was honestly grateful that he had been stepping up so much especially since the move.

Dad was coming with me to the appointment. He had made arrangements to hang out here for a few days. I think he wanted to be with me in case of the worst case scenario. I knew that Gigi was cool with this, but I was still kind of worried. I didn't want her to have any issues with Dad coming to my rescue later like Karen had. I don't want to lose her the way I did my mom and Karen.

Dad had done everything he could to make me relax, but so far it was something I was having a tough time doing. I just wanted this over with and to know what was going on. That way I would finally stop worrying and be able to find a course of action. I think that was the worst part. I didn't know what was going to happen, and I couldn't control it.

The doctor came in and I instantly knew what was happening. The medication had stopped working, or wasn't working as well as they had hoped. I just wanted this to be over. "Well," she said, "it looks like this isn't working the way we hoped. Your blood pressure is just as high as the other day, and we don't have anything else we can do to bring it down. We are going to readmit you to the hospital and observe you. If your blood pressure doesn't get any higher you'll stay there for a while, if it gets higher, which it probably will, it is going to be safer for you and the baby to deliver."

That was what I dreaded. I knew that it wasn't as bad as I had feared, but I knew the things that could happen to a baby that was as early as mine was could be. There was going to be a tough road ahead, but I didn't really have any choice at this point. I was going to make the best of this. I knew that the baby would be tiny, but have at least some chance of survival.

I asked a few questions and got the answers that I suspected. It was honestly happening so fast. A few days ago everything seemed fine. Now the doctors weren't sure how much longer it would be safe for the baby to have the time it needed to finish growing. I was honestly really scared.

I spent the rest of the afternoon in the hospital. Dad called Matt and told him what was going on. I didn't really pay that much attention to what was going on during that conversation. Whatever they were talking about was just going to stress me out more and that was the last thing I need. I think that Matt had asked to talk to me, but Dad refused to let him. I was more than happy to let him deal with this right now. I had enough on my plate.

That night I didn't get very much sleep. I wished that I would have been able to relax more, but all in all I didn't feel like it was terribly bad. It wasn't until the middle of the night that I started feeling really bad. All the nausea and other ill effects seemed to be getting worse; about 4 am the nurse came in and took my blood pressure again. Her reaction told me all I needed to know. This baby was going to be coming soon.

A few minutes later the doctor came in and said that my blood pressure was at the point where it was too high. For my safety and the baby's I needed to have a C-section as soon as possible. It was scary to think about. Matt had supposedly arrived last night, but I had yet to see him. I hoped that it would stay that way.

When I was getting prepped for surgery Matt came in. I knew that he had every right to be here since it is his baby, but I still didn't want him here. I knew that it was going to be my dad that went into surgery with me if they allowed anyone. I needed him. He knew how to keep me calm and positive. I hated to tell Matt, but I did. He was livid, but I didn't have time to deal with it as they wheeled me away.

Dad went with me. I needed him to keep me sane and calm. He was one of the few people I trusted with that job. James was still at my apartment with Kayleigh. Dad assured me he had called him when we got the news. I knew that he wanted to be here, but I also knew that I really needed him where he was. It was a never ending struggle. I knew as soon as he dropped Kayleigh off at daycare and Michaela at school.

After surgery and I got to see Jackson I went back to my room. My dad left me with James and went to get some food and clean up a little bit. I knew that he had waited because he didn't want me to be alone with Matt.

"Is the baby a boy or girl?" Matt asked. I could tell that he was straining to be civil.

"Boy, I named him Jackson Matthew. He's in the NICU if you would like to see him," I told him. I wanted to be civil with him, and honestly right now I don't think I have the energy to fight with him. At some point I would have to show my child that I could treat his father with respect.

"Jackson Matthew what?" Matt asked. I had hoped that he wouldn't ask. I purposefully omitted that part. I hadn't wanted to cause a scene. I changed my mind I know I don't have the energy for this.

"Jackson Matthew Angle. It's Angle just like Kayleigh," I said. I watched as James just sat and watched how this was going to play out. I had a feeling it wouldn't be good. Now he wouldn't do anything right now but there was always later.

"I can't believe you. You move away so I can't see him and now he doesn't even have my last name," Matt started.

"Matt why don't you just go see him? He's tiny and they haven't said how he's doing yet," I said trying to shift the focus. I did want Matt to be able to see him in case he didn't make it. They said they would get back to me about what was going on as soon as they finished assessing his condition and making sure that he was stable. I hoped that he was strong enough to live. I could deal with delays and disabilities as long as he was with me.

Matt took my advice and left the room presumably to go to the NICU. It gave James and me few minutes to talk although if I were really honest all I wanted to do was sleep. I was so tired and in so much pain I wasn't sure how I was functioning right now. I think James understood as he just sat there and held my hand. It was what I needed most right now, and James seemed to have an uncanny way of sensing that. He always seemed to sense just what I needed.

The next few days were really stressful. I was In the hospital, but thankfully AJ had agreed to take Kayleigh for a week or two so that I could recover some and bond with Jackson a little bit. So far he was doing as well as expected, but it was a wait and see game. The doctors said the longer he kept fighting the more likely he was to make it. Yesterday I had been able to put my hands in the incubator and touch him and today I was going to be able to hold him. Matt had gone home this morning. He had touched him yesterday, but couldn't stay until today.

Dad had also left this morning. He was going to visit Kyra and Kody for a few days before he went home. He wanted to be home and get ready for his first Christmas with Guilanna. I understood.

Last week the plan for Christmas was for me to drive up there so we could spend Christmas together. Now I was stuck here away from my family. Right now Jackson needed me more than anyone else.


	23. Chapter 23

**Light  
Chapter 23**

**February 14, 2012**

The last few months had been absolutely crazy. I wasn't sure how I had been able to keep up with all the changes in my life. AJ had moved with his boys to Tennessee since it seemed like Jenna (his ex-wife) was having a lot of problems. He didn't want to really get into it too much, but I haven't wanted to pry. I had been helping him out a lot when he was working.

I had also regained custody of Karissa. Her adoptive parents had been in a bad car accident. About a year ago they asked if I would take her if something happened to them as neither of them had any siblings that would be able to take her. Added to those things I was also getting ready to move to James' farm. I wasn't actually going to move until Jackson had left the hospital, but I was getting things that I didn't need out there and some stuff so Kayleigh and I could stay out there sometimes without much to pack.

James had been wonderful through all the changes. He was probably handling all this better than I was. I was doing everything I could to keep myself sane. He was actually keeping me sane. He had really opened his life and his heart to me and all that was mine, the good, bad and ugly.

Matt had been out once to see Jackson and held him very awkwardly. I wanted to believe that it was because Jackson was so small, but honestly I know it's because he's selfish. I know he's going to use this against me somehow. Matt is going to find some way that his choice to not see Jackson as my fault. I'm not close enough, or something like that. I was honestly excepting custody issues to arise any day. Court papers are literally something I look for on a daily basis.

James had been trying to convince me for weeks that we needed to do something special tonight. I wasn't really sure. Valentine's Day really is just another day. I finally agreed simply because he was so insistent on it.

I was getting ready to go out, but I honestly had no idea what we were going to do. We were in Nashville right now so there are limitless possibilities. It was a surprise, but I have a feeling that it had something to do with our future because he's been talking to my dad a lot. I know it might be me being paranoid since the work together and everything, but I know how traditional he can be sometimes. He's going to want to make sure that whatever he has planned about our future my dad is cool with.

My dad so far had been awesome about James and me. I think it's because at the beginning of this he got to beat the crap out of James, even if it was just for show. It made things easier for him to transition I think. Also he knows James better than he ever knew Matt.

"You look amazing," James said.

"Thanks I'm almost ready. Is Jenn here yet?" I asked. Other than family she was the only one who I felt comfortable leaving the kids with for any length of time. I was weird like that, but honestly since Jackson had been born she was indispensable in my eyes.

"Not yet," James said. "She'll be here in a few. She's always on time," James said. I think he knew that whatever was going on had me a little nervous. I am a little because Jenn as awesome as she is will have to deal with all five kids. AJ was yet again out of town on work so the boys were here.

"Are you sure it's okay to go out tonight?" I asked.

"Kate, its fine. Jenn can handle anything the kids throw at her. If she finds something she can't she'll give us a call. It's not any different than any other time that she's watched the kids," James reassured giving me a hug. I knew that he was right. I just didn't want anything to change when I knew that things were great now. Stupid I know, but sometimes my logic doesn't make sense even to me.

It wasn't long before Jenn arrived and James whisked me away on a night out. Shortly after we left I had to concede that we did need a little time away from the kids and all the responsibility. Our relationship seemed to always lack us time, but we always seemed to make it work somehow.

Then the moment I sort of knew was coming came. James asked me to marry him. I of course said yes. It's really scary to me, but I definitely want James to be part of my life forever. I can't think of anyone who I have ever loved or needed more.

**February 16, 2012**

I was at the Impact zone tonight. It was the first time that I had been away from Nashville really. I yet to miss a day visiting Jackson, but I needed to see some of the girls that I really didn't get to see any other time. I was going to head back in the morning so today was really the only day I wasn't going to see him.

Somehow none of my friends seemed very surprised when I spilled that James and I were engaged. I wondered just how many people knew about this before I did. It felt so good to be around my friends. I really did need a little break from everything going on at home. I needed to be able to just be around adults for a little bit.

"You know you are going to have to tell Matt eventually," Velvet said.

"I know, but I really would rather not. I mean I don't want to keep it from him, but at the same time I don't want to go out of my way to tell him either," I told her. "Besides, I'm still expecting to have to fight him in court about custody and visitation. He has chosen not to see Jackson, but I know that somehow he's going to spin that being my fault."

"You know telling him might be enough of an act of good faith that maybe he won't be so, whatever Matt is," Velvet said, "but definitely take someone with you if you go tell him. I don't want him to hurt you."

"I never go by myself to see him or talk to him. When Jackson was born Dad or James was with me pretty much 24/7 so that I didn't have to be alone with him," I said. I thought that maybe she would be right. Maybe it would get things on a better foot and make him think that I'm not totally going to shut him out even if it will be a long time before he can see Jackson unsupervised.

Before I got the courage to tell Matt myself he confronted me in catering. "Were you ever going to tell me you found my replacement?" he asked. "Jackson is going to see him more than me if you have anything to say about it." I could literally feel the anger radiating off him.

"James and I are getting married. I was going to talk to you about it later, but I guess you beat me to it. I want to you to have every opportunity to see Jackson as long as you can keep it together and show me that you have changed enough that I don't have to worry about you hurting him," I said. I hated that I had to even add that part, but obviously I did.

"I would never be able to prove to you that I won't hurt him when I live hundreds of miles away. You moved when you knew you were pregnant with him. I never even knew about the pregnancy until I figured it out myself," Matt said getting a little too far into my personal space. Okay those were actually the facts, but the way he said it forgetting about some of the other facts made it seem so much worse.

"You need to take a few steps back before we can finish this conversation. You are making me very uncomfortable right now," I said. I didn't want to step to much further back or I would be much too close to the wall to attempt to defend myself or run should the situation come to that. I had a feeling that I might need an escape route.

Matt begrudgingly took a step back. "I moved because I knew that I wouldn't be safe in Pittsburgh. Be thankful I only moved to Nashville. I thought about moving all the way out to California to be closer to Joe," I told him. "I needed a fresh start as did my children. The world doesn't revolve around you and what you want and need. If you ever want to see Jackson you know how to get a hold of me. You can't blame me for choosing to not come see him."

"You know marrying James won't keep you safe. You still want to be with me. You and I have a connection that you and James don't. We have a child together," Matt pointed out.

"A child you have acted like you don't give a damn about. You're first concern wasn't how Jackson was, but that James and I were engaged. You are too selfish to truly love anyone even your own children," I said.

Matt again took a step closer. "Personal space or I scream and bring half the roster here and you lose everything," I reminded.

"See you're already holding him against me and trying to use him to manipulate me," Matt said. "Expect papers from my lawyer." He stalked away still managing to leave me terrified. Now I wasn't terrified for myself I was scared for my baby. It was my job to protect him and if Matt wanted to be this way then he was going to see how much of a bitch I could be. You do not mess with my children.


	24. Chapter 24

A/N: It took a review to realize in my haste to combine a few chapters to get things moving along, I forgot to make the connection between Karissa and the baby Katie gave up for adoption. So for anyone wondering Karissa is that baby. Katie and her adoptive parents had an open adoption and were very close; hence Karissa is living with Katie now that the adoptive parents were in an accident. Thanks sonibabe89 for pointing that out.

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Chapter 24

**March 30, 2012**

Today hopefully was the big day. As long as Jackson could sit in his car seat for the specified time by the hospital he could go ho home. He had grown by leaps and bounds. For the most part he had had very few complications thankfully. It took a lot of prayer and patience to get it that way. Jackson has been in the hospital for about 15 weeks. I was excited to leave, but kind of sad.

The nurses in the NICU had become friends and confidants. They were encouraging and always helpful. It was amazing how much I had come to rely on them. Now I am close to the point I will have to do it on my own. Okay well not totally on my own. In a few weeks James would be getting some much needed time off, and AJ would as always be around for Kayleigh on his off days, but it was mostly me.

Next week I was going to be in court. Matt had filed for joint legal and primary physical custody. I had called him when I got the papers to see if we could work something out before we involved the legal system, but honestly he didn't even try to work with me. That fact didn't surprise me at all since he still thought I was trying to keep his child away from him. The only thing that I was really trying to do was keep my child safe. I hated that we were going to have to go through this, but it was the way he wanted it. As he was always quick to remind me he always got what he wanted. We had also gone through mediation, but we still couldn't come to any sort of agreement.

My lawyer said that Matt didn't have that much of a chance, but I don't ever want to count him out. Every time I thought I had the upper hand he has something up his sleeve that will at least in his mind put the ball in his court. He's probably going to use the fact that I didn't tell him about the pregnancy right away against me, and all the changes that are happening in my life. He was going to say that my life was too unstable for a newborn and that I had too much on my plate to handle a baby right now. He was right I had a lot of things on my plate, but I had the support system to handle it. As weird as things seemed from the outside everything in my life was actually fairly predictable and stable.

I think Matt has come to see Jackson twice in his short life. Matt claims that with his other kids he can't make the trip very often but it think it's rather convenient that he's using that excuse. AJ had other kids in another state and part of the country and still managed to see Kayleigh more than Matt had managed to see Jackson. Matt would discount it as not having a support system to take care of the kids while he was gone. I wasn't sure what was going on with his kids while he was gone now that I wasn't there to take care of them. I worried about them a little bit, but there wasn't anything I could do to change things right now.

"No judge in their right mind would choose Matt over you to take care of that baby," James said. He had come to see the baby a fair amount, but he had been indispensable at home. When he was home he would pretty much take care of everything so I could focus on Jackson especially, but having a little individual time with everyone. "You're his mother and everything you have done has been what you thought was in his best interest."

"I know, but I didn't file much in the way of police reports or anything to prove that my relationship with Matt was that unstable. To someone who doesn't really know either of us that would change things a little bit. I mean how do I prove that I was really that worried that Matt would hurt me or one of my kids without any documented evidence?" I said. "I hate that he has so much control over my emotions even though I'm not with him anymore."

"Babe, each of us have scars from the battles we've been through," James said. "The trick to moving on is finding the beauty in them. Scars whether physical or emotional make us who we are."

I had to admit the truth in his statement. Each of us was defined at least partially by the things we went through. Those things help become the people that we are. Only we can let the scars define us, whether it is positive or negative. That was one of the things that I loved the most about him. He looked past the scars and trauma in my past and saw the best person that I could be. Then he encouraged me to be that person while still loving me the way that I was.

James and I were at the hospital waiting for the nurses to do the last check of vitals and whatever before I got to put him in the car seat. Then we wait. I thought would be strong enough to make it, but we'll wait and see.

**April 4, 2012**

Today was the day. The court was going to officially decide the fate of my son. Dad, Gigi, James, and AJ were all there. Dad was going to back up the allegations of abuse, and everyone else was just there for moral support.

Jackson came home from the hospital two days ago. He was at home with Jenn and one of her friends since all six kids were in my apartment. Hopefully soon we'd be able to get out to the farm. After the PPV James would have four or five weeks we were hoping to get everything out there. AJ had found some land near the farm also that he was putting an offer on so that he and the boys would still be close. It was easier when they were both gone that way.

The lawyers were good. Matt's lawyer did exactly as we suspected from the wording in the written motion. He tried to portray me as a young woman who flitted from relationship to relationship without the stability or resources or support system to properly care for a premature newborn, especially with the responsibility of two other young children.

My lawyer, who is absolutely amazing, filed a motion that was also going to be heard giving Matt his much desired legal rights, but me primary physical custody and stipulated his visitation be supervised for the first six months.

The judge looked at all the statements and motions and ruled that Matt and I share legal custody, but I have primary physical custody however visitation did not have to be supervised. Matt was granted 10 hours of visitation each week, and the judge would review everything in six months. Matt was also ordered to pay child support.

Matt was absolutely livid. He had been certain that he would get primary physical custody. I could see the anger in his eyes about ready to explode. Madison had shown up with him, but surprisingly had said little to me. I had thought she would be her usual confrontation bitch. Hopefully things were going to calm down now.

I also groaned. The four of us were going to have to find a way to coexist. Everything so far I had tried in that department had failed miserably.

Outside the courthouse Matt came up to me. "I can't believe the judge didn't see through your lies. You're just a whore who doesn't deserve to raise my son."

"Funny considering how much you left me alone with Connor when we were together. I was pretty much raising your children," I said. "And unlike you I can guarantee that I will never physically harm my child."

"You sleep with anything. I hope James knows that ring won't change that," Matt said.

I wanted to punch him so badly. I knew that I would get in trouble though. Matt would manipulate this in his favor also. "I'm done here. Let me know when you want to visit Jackson," I said turning on my heel and leaving.

I didn't want to fight with him any longer. I wanted to get home to my babies. As awesome as Jenn is I am not ready to leave Jackson alone with anyone any longer than I absolutely had to.

I had been at home a few hours when Matt called. He wanted to visit Jackson a few hours. Reluctantly I suggested he come to my apartment to meet so I could show him everything. Matt just as reluctantly agreed. I knew that I couldn't keep make Matt say here, but I wanted to encourage it. I sent AJ and the boys back to their apartment for a while (they often spent most of their waking hours in mine to play with Kayleigh and Karissa and what not). Luckily my dad and Gigi had already gone to see Kyra and Kody while they were in the area. I called Jenn up to see if she could take the girls to bounceland or something for a few hours. She said she could, but it would be a little while before she could get here.

Matt arrived within the hour just before Jenn arrived to pick up the girls. Kayleigh completely freaked out when she saw him. I almost wished that I had sent her with AJ. She got James to hold her and wouldn't let him put her down.

I took him into the boys' room to show him the portable oxygen machine and a few other things before Jackson started crying. "Do you want to feed him or do you want me to," I asked.

"Can I?" asked Madison. It was the first time she had spoken since she and Matt had arrived.

"Sure," I said smiling. "Let me warm him up a bottle."

Madison picked him up from the playpen in the living room and Matt stood back trying not to look to intimidating. James just watched. It was nice to have a second set of eyes to make sure that I didn't miss anything.

I handed Madison the bottle and told her if he stopped sucking he probably needed to burp. I was honestly surprised by Madison. I was unsure how she would be with my baby. After Madison fed and burped him she handed the baby to Matt who seemed very unsure of what to do.

"Who watches him if you aren't here," Matt asked.

"It's only happened once so far, but we have a regular sitter who watches the kids when we go out or if I need extra hands," I said.

"The teenager who picked Kayleigh up?" Matt asked. I hadn't thought he had seen that, but I guess he had.

"Yeah, she's 18. She graduates this year. She's done CPR classes and the kids absolutely adore her," I said confidently. Matt let it drop.

Matt and Madison hung around for a little longer before asking if they could take him for an hour or two to go see a few of Matt's friends in the area. I let them, hoping I had made a good decision. I didn't want to alienate them, but I wanted to be around during their visits as much as possible at least right now.


End file.
